Will getting a corporate job fix my social life?
#21
I have to echo a lot of what most are saying on here. Of all of the places to find like minded people that you would declare as friends, the office would not be on my short list. This may be a little different in Ireland,(although I doubt it) but most colleagues consider each other as much as competition as an acquaintances. Sure they, are friendly to you, and you may work toward a goal on a team with them during work hours. However, no one that I have ever worked with I see as being my friend, and to be honest nor should you. If you tell your colleagues at work that you hate your job, want to fuck the receptionist, or any other thing that would look bad on your work record; they now have leverage on you. You can tell all of that to a friend and rather than call the HR department, like a colleague likely would, a friend will at least keep what you say in confidence and more likely help you work through what you are having issues with at work or support you in a new direction with your life.

As far as your current social circle with your "beer buddies," a decade and a half is a long time to know these guys. Have you even tried to talk to these guys about what you want to talk about? Unless these guys are completely dense, you may be surprised at what they have to say.
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#22
To be honest, as your 30s go on, you will loose most acquaintances and drinking friends, whether you are a loner freelancer or a corporate slave. People just go their own ways.

besides, you have worked with freedom for years, why would any company want to hire you? You make your own rules, your own time, your own milestones, that is the opposite of what managers want, which is you to follow their rules and orders blindly.

Assuming that you got a corporate job, your colleagues would be SJWs, basic people, obese middle managers, etc. You might find some youngish people to go take drinks after work, but mostly that would be it. And, if you are a coder or software developer, you could actually worse your chances for social interaction.

One item I can recommend is to go Digital Nomad. Go to live on Vietnam or Thailand, and meet fellow travellers and Digital Nomads. Guaranteed to meet and know people, most will be short term, but that would certainly trump most corporations. Depending on your age and personality, never underestimate how hostels can help you meet new people. I mean classic hostels, with guests all ages. Pure party hostels are hit/miss, there could be way more unemployed people searching themselves with their savings, less nomads.
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#23
Guys you never reveal your power level at work, especially if you are introverted.

Work friendships are transitory and you're expendable in most jobs.
A peasant is given a choice by a benevolent witch: 'I will do to you whatever you wish, but I warn you, I will do it to your neighbor twice'

The peasant, with a cunning smile, tells her, ‘Take one of my eyes!’

Slovene Proverb
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#24
This is similar to my thread on getting a job strictly for meeting cuties in a way, except here the goal is meeting some new pals.

In recent years I haven't focused on making new male friends and the results speak for themselves, my circle of male friends has atrophied, big-time, almost to non-existence.

On the other hand, I did focus on dating and dating-wise the last few years have been the best years of my life as far as dating options (the pandemic year being the exception).

I have though, in the past, focused on making male friendships, and it's just like dating girls, you get out what you put in, you really just have to be proactive about approaching people and putting yourself in proximity to the people you want to form relationships with.

I wouldn't recommend getting a 9 to 5 gig for making guy friends, work friendships, due to HR matters and work politics, require you be personable, but not personal, which can be a limiting factor in regards to forming strong relationships, versus other environments.

I repeat, work friendships require you to be personable, but not personal.  

And that's the opposite of the requirements for forming friendships with more depth.

One suggestion I would have is to take some kind of intensive onsite course, it can be a good way to make some friendships via facing a common task/challenge, for example a bootcamp or a more niche college course in an area of interest.

Another would be to move abroad. There's a filtering process that happens that means certain types of people make that jump, to living abroad, and because of that these folks have an easy time relating to one another, even folks from different social classes, with different politics, from different ethnicities, etc. There's certain commonalities that long term male travelers have that really help with making friends with one another, so living abroad is another option for your goal here.

Even then though, you gotta be proactive about being social and putting yourself out there.
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#25
My dad used to tell me, if you want a friend, you have to be a friend. You tried it yet? Meet some likeminded people and offer to help them do something.
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#26
Some really fucking great advice here guys. The major struggle I have more broadly in terms of my social life is simply mustering up the energy to get out and meet people. I want to develop 1-5 high-quality friendships but every fibre of my being would prefer to read books or learn piano or watch a movie or go for a walk in my free time. Even when I travel solo, I spend 90% of my time simply exploring places alone and limiting interactions to either brief chats with baristas/waiters or grabbing a beer back at a hostel. The problem with not getting out there and doing sociable stuff is that life seems to slip away so quickly. I'm early 30s now and I feel like I blinked and five years went by; I read somewhere that your time perception speeds up when life is too routine and I guess I'm blaming my introversion for that.
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#27
To add my post earlier, I am not sure if this applies to you, but I have a mindset when I am at work that is different than when I am not at work. That mindset at work is more insular and introverted than when I am doing something with one of my hobbies, or when I am out trying to be social. I have always been that way since I was at my first job, but now more than ever. I am still friendly at work, but my mindset is that I am there to do the job that I get paid for, not make friends. You need to be able to say no to people at work some times and it is harder if you are friends with them. Failure in saying no, may end up making you a sub-optimal employee or worse screw you somehow.

It really sounds like it to me that you need to find something to do in your off time, preferably with other people. I highly recommend that you find a club or two that has an activity that you know that you like to do or want to learn how to do it.
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#28
(05-31-2021, 01:31 PM)JolietJake Wrote: To add my post earlier, I am not sure if this applies to you, but I have a mindset when I am at work that is different than when I am not at work.  That mindset at work is more insular and introverted than when I am doing something with one of my hobbies, or when I am out trying to be social.  I have always been that way since I was at my first job, but now more than ever.  I am still friendly at work, but my mindset is that I am there to do the job that I get paid for, not make friends.  You need to be able to say no to people at work some times and it is harder if you are friends with them.  Failure in saying no,  may end up making you a sub-optimal employee or worse screw you somehow.  

It really sounds like it to me that you need to find something to do in your off time, preferably with other people.  I highly recommend that you find a club or two that has an activity that you know that you like to do or want to learn how to do it.

In terms of activities I actually want to do with other people, the only ones that come to mind are:

Football (soccer) - there are many meetup events but people tend to just show up at these, play, and go home to their normal lives with minimal chat.
Muay Thai - always been tempted to try it but here in Ireland most people doing muay are wannabe Conor Mcgregors who aren't the most pleasant people. Maybe BJJ would be better?
Nightlife meetups - I drank too much in my 20s but there's no getting around the fact I'm a happy drunk who really comes out of his shell after 4 or 5 beers...the problem is hangxiety is worse than ever now that I'm early 30.


Happy to hear other suggestions for group-oriented activities that are conducive to friendships? Other interests include hiking, pool, and table tennis.
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#29
(05-31-2021, 08:43 PM)irishguy Wrote:
(05-31-2021, 01:31 PM)JolietJake Wrote: To add my post earlier, I am not sure if this applies to you, but I have a mindset when I am at work that is different than when I am not at work.  That mindset at work is more insular and introverted than when I am doing something with one of my hobbies, or when I am out trying to be social.  I have always been that way since I was at my first job, but now more than ever.  I am still friendly at work, but my mindset is that I am there to do the job that I get paid for, not make friends.  You need to be able to say no to people at work some times and it is harder if you are friends with them.  Failure in saying no,  may end up making you a sub-optimal employee or worse screw you somehow.  

It really sounds like it to me that you need to find something to do in your off time, preferably with other people.  I highly recommend that you find a club or two that has an activity that you know that you like to do or want to learn how to do it.

In terms of activities I actually want to do with other people, the only ones that come to mind are:

Football (soccer) - there are many meetup events but people tend to just show up at these, play, and go home to their normal lives with minimal chat.
Muay Thai - always been tempted to try it but here in Ireland most people doing muay are wannabe Conor Mcgregors who aren't the most pleasant people. Maybe BJJ would be better?
Nightlife meetups - I drank too much in my 20s but there's no getting around the fact I'm a happy drunk who really comes out of his shell after 4 or 5 beers...the problem is hangxiety is worse than ever now that I'm early 30.


Happy to hear other suggestions for group-oriented activities that are conducive to friendships? Other interests include hiking, pool, and table tennis.

Train Muay Thai myself, the most fun hobby I have - the exercise plus the sense of purpose too.  Lol I tried BJJ before and didn't like it maybe you'll have different results.  
As far as others being McGregor wannabes sure there'll be a few but who cares right?  All that matters is that presumably you're not. You're not there to prove anything to anyone so decide what you want out of it and go for it.
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