Enduring the Lone Wolf Life
#21
^Excellent post.

Some of the same issues were addressed in this thread: How far out of step are Swoopers with the rest of society?
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#22
I think the severe culling of life quality happens around mid 30s for most people. That separates the strong from the weak.

Most everyone enjoys their youth. It's fairly common and easy for people to have a great time 15-28. It's common to be in your 20s and have many friends, relationships, good times, etc.. having a badass youth is common. Around 35 most fall into a malaise of mediocrity via marriage and job.

If you're a late bloomer who has a more substantial life after the young party times, then you're a rare quality in my opinion.
It's why so many guys reminisce on when they were 22 and pulled hotter tail regularly. Few can maintain that high standard when they're 36+ because everything in society is working against you now.

You can go to any local college and find a 20 yr old player who pulls hot tail. But to be over 36 and have social value and game is truly rare these days.
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#23
(10-28-2020, 02:20 AM)WombRaider Wrote: ^Excellent post.

Some of the same issues were addressed in this thread: How far out of step are Swoopers with the rest of society?

Damn why haven't I seen this thread before. lol This is good stuff.

And yeah, good post Husky. Well said. On some level, I do like seeing the families and marriages people are going through, especially on facebook. At the same time, I kept asking myself is the grass really greener on the other side? I actually have time for myself, while I hear others complain about having to deal with either their wives or children.
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#24
(10-28-2020, 03:20 PM)Manbeline Wrote: And yeah, good post Husky. Well said. On some level, I do like seeing the families and marriages people are going through, especially on facebook. At the same time, I kept asking myself is the grass really greener on the other side? I actually have time for myself, while I hear others complain about having to deal with either their wives or children.

You can have everything you ever wanted and still find something to complain about. Maybe it was Epictetus - but definitely one of the Stoics - who said something like "the moral man never regrets missing out on anything, if he didn't also want everything that would have come with it".

I would interpret those complaints more as indicators of their own personalities than their circumstances.
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#25
(10-23-2020, 05:24 PM)Manbeline Wrote: ...Being a lone wolf is tough ...

You'll make new friends, don't worry. Nothing in the world lasts forever, on the other hand the world is constantly recreating itself. I met this 26 year old who is very similar to an old girlfriend. It's amazing as if I picked up 10 years later right where I left off with her. but she is now so much younger. I'm going to try to knock her up lol. When you burn through all the people in your life, just make new ones!
I be nutting in these bitches!
https://youtu.be/ixCrLAgk4YI
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#26
Ya know, this happened to me. It sucks because I lost a good friend over politics this year. But I just cant accept a friend who forces me to walk on eggshells. I HAVE to be able to at least speak freely with someone I consider a good friend without being called an -ist of some sort. I know my character and I don't put up with that leftist shame that seems to be so prevalent today. Imagine being shamed for saying something like "I wanna see Sarah Palin's tits". What a pussy. What did I miss out on? Well the friend I lost doesn't do shit other than teach english and go home and get drunk. Yeah I miss sittin on the couch and smoking weed and tossing back drinks... But I'm the type of person who keeps improving. I think I miss the small talk mostly. I agree with the poster above who said make new likeminded friends. Not easy to do, but you don't need a bunch, just 1 or 2 good friends who's got your back.
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#27
I tried to be friends with Mister Happy but he banged my wife. Said I deserved it for having a vasectomy. I'm now raising his child and he keeps driving by my house laughing at me. Please advise.
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#28
hahahahaha. Your first mistake was getting married!
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#29
There's already been some excellent advice posted on this thread but I wanted to offer an additional point.

I think that the manosphere/money-twitter cliche of "cutting out the weak links", or whatever other way to suggest that you should formally cut ties with old friends the moment that you become successful (however you want to define) is one of the absolute worst pieces of advice out there.

For one, people tend to view success through their own lens, and it's pretty rare to see people who are just failing at every aspect of life. More importantly though, the friendships you form earlier (say before age ~25) tend to be the strongest ones because of the time aspect, AND because they aren't built on some sort of quid-pro-quo dynamic. Of course, you can make friends later in life, they're just more likely to be circumstantial (ie: coworkers) or based on benefits you offer to each other (ie: a rich guy being friends w/a dude who has great game).

The reason I bring this up is that following that mentality results in many people (including perhaps OP) needlessly losing valuable friendships and connections. Cutting off friendships left and right because you think that you're above them or because you disagree with their politics is a great way to end up lonely. Not all things have to be about "moving up in life", sometimes its great to just grab a beer and shoot the shit with somebody you've known for a long time. I really think that those moments are some of the most valuable things in life.

This isn't to say that you should never cut things off - of course, if somebody is regularly taking advantage of you or screws you over, that's your right. Most often though, if you have nothing to offer to each other, that friendship naturally drifts apart and eventually you see them much less. That's just a part of life. No need to have a quick trigger to accelerate the process.

As for politics, if you're losing good friends because you don't like their political views, you need to take a look in the mirror and get off the internet. Even in dark times, there's some amazing things going on. You don't want to be that guy who's constantly predicting World War 3, the breakup of the US, or whatever other 0.1% event. Nobody likes those people.
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#30
(11-09-2020, 03:43 AM)WombRaider Wrote: I tried to be friends with Mister Happy but he banged my wife. Said I deserved it for having a vasectomy. I'm now raising his child and he keeps driving by my house laughing at me. Please advise.

Sorry bro! But I did it with utmost respect!

(11-09-2020, 03:37 AM)elmonoloco Wrote: Ya know, this happened to me. It sucks because I lost a good friend over politics this year. But I just cant accept a friend who forces me to walk on eggshells. I HAVE to be able to at least speak freely with someone I consider a good friend without being called an -ist of some sort. I know my character and I don't put up with that leftist shame that seems to be so prevalent today. Imagine being shamed for saying something like "I wanna see Sarah Palin's tits". What a pussy. What did I miss out on? Well the friend I lost doesn't do shit other than teach english and go home and get drunk. Yeah I miss sittin on the couch and smoking weed and tossing back drinks... But I'm the type of person who keeps improving. I think I miss the small talk mostly. I agree with the poster above who said make new likeminded friends. Not easy to do, but you don't need a bunch, just 1 or 2 good friends who's got your back.

I want to see Sarah Palin's tits. Anyone who doesn't probably isn't any fun anyway. You'll make new friends don't worry. I can't walk in a bar without making a new friend. And then I can't walk out of his wife's bedroom without losing a friend lol. When one door opens, another closes!
I be nutting in these bitches!
https://youtu.be/ixCrLAgk4YI
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#31
(10-28-2020, 04:29 AM)Disco_Volante Wrote: I think the severe culling of life quality happens around mid 30s for most people. That separates the strong from the weak.

Most everyone enjoys their youth. It's fairly common and easy for people to have a great time 15-28. It's common to be in your 20s and have many friends, relationships, good times, etc.. having a badass youth is common. Around 35 most fall into a malaise of mediocrity via marriage and job.

If you're a late bloomer who has a more substantial life after the young party times, then you're a rare quality in my opinion.
It's why so many guys reminisce on when they were 22 and pulled hotter tail regularly. Few can maintain that high standard when they're 36+ because everything in society is working against you now.

You can go to any local college and find a 20 yr old player who pulls hot tail. But to be over 36 and have social value and game is truly rare these days.

This is a depressing post for someone in his early 30s who didn't enjoy his youth. I've always felt that I was unique in having a 20s that was plagued by mental health difficulties, poor self-esteem, and depression. Your assertion that mostly everyone enjoys their youth confirms that. 

For me, this recognition and regret leads to a fatalistic outlook at life: if I couldn't enjoy life when it's nearly impossible not to enjoy life, and when everyone else is out fucking women and making friends all the time, what fucking hope have I got when I start to age, when it gets even harder to get laid, harder to connect with people, and mortality looms? 

This is the kind of post that makes me even doubt the point of trying to improve. Youth is where it's at. All I achieved in my youth was a bachelor's degree, two long-term relationships, a few drunken hookups (couldn't keep it up I was so drunk), and a good amount of foreign travel (visited Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Hungary, Poland, and Australia in my 20s). But none of these "achievements" count for shit if I was mostly depressed while everyone was having a blast. Fuck.
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#32
(11-09-2020, 01:16 PM)irishguy Wrote: This is a depressing post for someone in his early 30s who didn't enjoy his youth. I've always felt that I was unique in having a 20s that was plagued by mental health difficulties, poor self-esteem, and depression. Your assertion that mostly everyone enjoys their youth confirms that. 

For me, this recognition and regret leads to a fatalistic outlook at life: if I couldn't enjoy life when it's nearly impossible not to enjoy life, and when everyone else is out fucking women and making friends all the time, what fucking hope have I got when I start to age, when it gets even harder to get laid, harder to connect with people, and mortality looms? 

This is the kind of post that makes me even doubt the point of trying to improve. Youth is where it's at. All I achieved in my youth was a bachelor's degree, two long-term relationships, a few drunken hookups (couldn't keep it up I was so drunk), and a good amount of foreign travel (visited Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Hungary, Poland, and Australia in my 20s). But none of these "achievements" count for shit if I was mostly depressed while everyone was having a blast. Fuck.

Dude with respect, you gotta loose the woe is me attitude. How you supposedly wasted your youth many people would give their left nut for. Nothing in the past matters anymore and nobody from the past gives a fuck about you either. Your life is not 10 years ago, your life is right now. I think what jordan peterson says about life is suffering has a lot of merit. You need to find something worthwhile to live for or you are going to wither up on the vine. You're not in a wheelchair, you're not bound to a bed, you're not strapped up in a straitjacket, nor behind prison bars. Stop being a pussy! *slap to the face* get it together man!
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#33
Quote:Dude with respect, you gotta loose the woe is me attitude. How you supposedly wasted your youth many people would give their left nut for. Nothing in the past matters anymore and nobody from the past gives a fuck about you either. Your life is not 10 years ago, your life is right now. I think what jordan peterson says about life is suffering has a lot of merit. You need to find something worthwhile to live for or you are going to wither up on the vine. You're not in a wheelchair, you're not bound to a bed, you're not strapped up in a straitjacket, nor behind prison bars. Stop being a pussy! *slap to the face* get it together man!

This is true. You can and should find a niche at any age and life situation. "Work with what you got." The 21-year-old frat boy has a nice niche, but that lasts only a short time and then you have to adapt. Maybe you're 52 and pudgy and balding and broke. Well, learn to bartend. If you work in the right bar, I bet you can bang lots of divorcees and heavily tatooed bisexual chicks with felony records. Or if you're well-heeled, start paying for it. Or go to Cambodia. There's always a way.

Facing your own mortality is an issue, I admit. But it's one facing every single human who ever existed -- I don't like it any better than you do. It's the curse of our species. Not much can be done. Alcohol in small doses seems to take the edge off.
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#34
(11-09-2020, 01:16 PM)irishguy Wrote: This is a depressing post for someone in his early 30s who didn't enjoy his youth. I've always felt that I was unique in having a 20s that was plagued by mental health difficulties, poor self-esteem, and depression. Your assertion that mostly everyone enjoys their youth confirms that. 
...

First off — the vast majority of young dudes are wracked with doubt, anxiousness, and uneasiness to one degree or another. Especially those that have half a brain in their head. While they may have better access to prime pussy, there are other aspects of life that remain jarringly uncertain that afflict quality of life. For good reason there is a saying: Youth is wasted on the young.

Second, and more substantively, I think you're compounding your misfortune and making things worse than they objectively are by catastrophizing your life up to this point and your current state.

You mention that you have a history of mental health problems and that's unfortunate and a real obstacle. But is it truly permanent and absolutely insurmountable? Are there absolutely no moments of relief or enjoyment?

Going by your writing, you're at least oriented to your surroundings and lucid and cognizant of the ills that plague you. 

Is there anything you can do — like drinking less, exercising a bit more, eating better, spending time with family/friends, applying yourself to a hobby — to alleviate suffering from 90% of the time to 70% of the time? 

Forgetting about pussy, wouldn't even that be a win be worth fighting for if only just a few moments of tranquility and clarity? 

And also, as to your actual problems, how can you be certain that they're permanent or unresolvable?

You have low self esteem... up to now. You feel lost and wayward... up to now. Your brain is depressed... up to now.

These things may not be things that you ever overcome completely, but over the remainder of your life, perhaps with some diligence and a dash of fortune, I find it hard to believe that you are completely incapable of salvaging a handful of winning moments, if not a few good extended stretches. 

Look man, the reality is that most people who you see as 'winners' are often losers in some aspect if you look under the rug. Few can truly enjoy and savor the fruits of their good fortune. If you get your day in the sun and if you manage to do it as a result of your own efforts, you'll likely be quite more appreciative than someone more 'blessed'.

But if things are to change, you have to make those efforts and find a way to develop a more coherent idea of an acceptably good life given your situation and limitations. I hope you can find a way to habitually move toward that in some way, inching or lunging.
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#35
The idea that your early twenties are the only time you'll have fun is such a heap of shit. In other posts I've mentioned friends of mine who are stuck thinking like this, it usually happens around 29-31. They start making jokes about back pain, talking about getting old and constantly reminiscing about things we did a decade ago.

I've got no interest in any of this, but I get where it comes from. Responsibilities like mortgage, work and family can weigh you down. Even if you don't have these things, age can give you the type of hindsight that makes you more conservative and less prone to do the silly shit you would have done when you were 20. Suddenly the women, the all nighters, the spontaneous adventures are just something you did when you were young, but now you're too old.

Tell you what, I wouldn't wind the clock back to that age if you paid me. Right now I don't find enjoyment or fulfilment in the same things I did back then but I am still as excited about the future and curious about new things as I ever was. Friends have dropped off the map and I have different priorities but I don't think this is something to lament.

I'm no flawless chad either, I made plenty of mistakes and will probably continue to fuck up.

I say this without any malice or negative intent: if you're in your 30s looking back in regret at squandering your youth, but you aren't doing anything to change your outlook, you will probably be looking at this decade the same way when you are 40. I gather from your posts that you don't have a lot weighing you down and are even in the position to consider a career change - why doesn't the world look like your oyster right now? There is nothing external holding you back from living the way you want to.
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#36
Quote:...learn to bartend. If you work in the right bar, I bet you can bang lots of divorcees and heavily tatooed bisexual chicks with felony records...

Sounds like a country song in the making there! I can be the daddy that those tatted lesbians never got to spend quality time with! Yeah!
I be nutting in these bitches!
https://youtu.be/ixCrLAgk4YI
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#37
(10-28-2020, 04:29 AM)Disco_Volante Wrote: I think the severe culling of life quality happens around mid 30s for most people. That separates the strong from the weak.

Most everyone enjoys their youth. It's fairly common and easy for people to have a great time 15-28. It's common to be in your 20s and have many friends, relationships, good times, etc.. having a badass youth is common. Around 35 most fall into a malaise of mediocrity via marriage and job.

If you're a late bloomer who has a more substantial life after the young party times, then you're a rare quality in my opinion.
It's why so many guys reminisce on when they were 22 and pulled hotter tail regularly. Few can maintain that high standard when they're 36+ because everything in society is working against you now.

You can go to any local college and find a 20 yr old player who pulls hot tail. But to be over 36 and have social value and game is truly rare these days.

Ultimately this isn't hard if you actually do meaningful shit with your life. 

My fitness coach is 34. He's married to a very attractive woman, has tons of great friends, is strong as shit and getting stronger, and does what he loves day in and day out. More importantly he actually helps people out. I was depressed, injured and weak when I met him. Now I'm the strongest I've been in my life. 

Conversely if you've worked shitty jobs that you hate your whole life and contribute little to the people around you, you're going to have a bad time. 

The other key to making friends is to do shit seriously. Don't just lift, join a powerlifting gym, compete, hang out with the people. Don't just do BJJ, train 4x a week and go to competitions. I have a friend who made a bunch of brand new friends doing Muay Thai. He competed five times and trained 7x a week. He went on a trip to Ukraine with his MT buddies and it sounded like a great time. 

Ultimately age is just a number. When I was 21 I was depressed, in chronic pain, had a shit outlook to life, placed all my self worth in hookups with random women. Consequently I either had shitty friendships and relationships or none at all. Even hanging out with my best bros, guys I grew up with wasn't fun because my internal life was trash. 

All of those things changed/improved and so did my relationships. I make friends pretty easily now. My relationships with almost all of them have improved substantially as well.
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#38
Really awesome advice, that reminds me of a few people who I've seen as mentors.

I've had the benefit of meeting a few really cool older guys. Two in particular I'm thinking of now, one was pushing 60 and the other was in his 70s. They were both very different from each other but the one thing they had in common was they were still trying new things in work and leisure, and they were fully engaged in whatever they were doing. Both were semi retired and still travelling the world.

Of course they were both set up financially, but that's not what impressed me and I really don't think it's what gave them their love for life.

Each had had varying levels of success in their work, but they didn't have your typical 9-5 corporate careers, nor did they have the type of attitude needed to work in that environment. Both had experience working in a variety of settings and living in different countries. I've thought about this for years and have concluded they weren't driven by money or work particularly, they were just the kind of guys who put 100% of themselves into whatever they did. Seeing them still at it at an advanced age really changed the way I see a lot of things.
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#39
(11-09-2020, 06:07 PM)billydingdong Wrote: Forgetting about pussy, wouldn't even that be a win be worth fighting for if only just a few moments of tranquility and clarity? 

Dude seriously. I've thought about this. It's equivalent to hunger. Yeah you can eat today and be satisfied but tomorrow you will be hungry again. It actually really sucks. That's how we're made though.

(11-09-2020, 11:37 PM)Mister Happy Wrote:
Quote:...learn to bartend. If you work in the right bar, I bet you can bang lots of divorcees and heavily tatooed bisexual chicks with felony records...

Sounds like a country song in the making there! I can be the daddy that those tatted lesbians never got to spend quality time with! Yeah!

And then my tractorrrr left meeee   Sad
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#40
(11-09-2020, 10:22 AM)Mister Happy Wrote:
(11-09-2020, 03:43 AM)WombRaider Wrote: I tried to be friends with Mister Happy but he banged my wife. Said I deserved it for having a vasectomy. I'm now raising his child and he keeps driving by my house laughing at me. Please advise.

Sorry bro! But I did it with utmost respect!

I forgive you bro. I know you meant no harm.
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