Find a job the alpha way: taking the sales-approach to get an instant job offer
#1
Here is how you find a job, right on the spot, with an offer. This method has worked for me 1/1 times I've tried it. 100% success rate.... Shit is being asked by everybody now in the midst of Corona, "how do I find a job?" Everybody’s talking about Corona and how “muh career sucks”. So, here’s how you find a job, on the spot, from my experience being a natural salesman:
 
Finding a job is not easy. Everybody wants a job, everybody wants a better job. I want a job, you want a job, we all want jobs.
 
I’m here to tell you to finding a job is not easy, but if you have the mindset of the salesman or pick up artist, things change quite a bit.
 
Enough of an introduction--I am a huge fan of high effort sales techniques. You pound the pavement on your feet, on the phone, or in your car or via more nefarious (social engineering) methods.
 
You need social intelligence. You need dedication. You need drive.
 
My last job search was unpleasant. I drove around looking at businesses from the exterior, looking at them: “are there signs there for help wanted?” “do they look like nice businesses?” “could they be hiring?”
 
Anyway, I did this for an hour or two but it was basically time wasted. Then I started walking into establishments asking if they had jobs-- they told me to look online, and that they had no authority to hire anyone.
 
I changed my angle. I had a job interview (lined-up at a firm) because of connections, it went bad because I had a job guaranteed, but they wanted me to do something way below me. And I said, “fuck it-- that option is there, but there are other options, I don’t have to take this option.”
 
I walked out of that interview as a pissed-off sonofabitch. I no longer cared, and in that moment, I had all clarity I needed. Nothing mattered. No employer mattered.  It was all some huge cosmic joke.
 
Pounding the pavement, that’s what I was doing in that moment, and I was walking and I was thinking, and I just walked into the next place of business I saw. I walked in through the back door, I found someone who worked there, and I said “I’m here about a job, where’s the manager?” This minimum wage cretin responded, “which job?”, I said: “I don’t care. Any job-- I’m here about any job.” They were very confused, and I was confused, this was never how I had asked for a job, but here I was asking for any job. I did not care and I thought this was all very amusing and absurd. Poor bastard I was talking to, talked to somebody at a higher level, maybe because he was confused, and he said, “you have a stroke good luck today; each and every manager that oversees this whole big operation is here right now in that room, over there, and they need people.”
 
The managers came out. I said, “hi, my name is Jerusalem Lothario and I’m here about that job”, and they said, “we’re here to interview you about that job right now.” I was dressed essentially in what was a suit, with the briefcase, and a portfolio full of resumes.
 
They set me down for an interview immediately. The ball was in my fucking court the moment the whole affair began and I was not going to give the ball to them. I was tired of walking into the 10 establishments before and getting shat on: with HR bullshit, ending with being told to go to someone’s website. I was walking out of here with the job and I knew I had the momentum.
 
This impromptu interview was a bullshit interview-- the questions were below me, the implications of the questions retarded, and I was above this—but still, here I was, walking into this employer asking for a job.
 
You have to read stuff. You have to read situations. You have to read them as soon as possible and you have to pick up on the energy of the participants and you have to try to understand their ulterior motives. In this moment, I knew all of this.
 
I had a mother fucking read on this situation the moment they came out of their office and I was not going to give things to them, they were going to give things to me, and they were going to qualify themselves to me and they were going to tell me about why they were here, and for what reasons. They were going to bend over, I was not. I am not going to qualify myself. They will.
 
So, within the first several minutes of my interactions with the managers, I decided I was in charge. This was not an interview, this was an interrogation, and I was interrogator-- if this is corporate America, they play by my rules. I can pick whatever corporation I want. I don’t need them, they need me, I’m here to solve their problems and they’re the damsel in distress; I’m here to rescue the metaphorical princess in the castle. I had no qualifications. I spent three months in the lowest of the low, of jobs, in this sector, and I was hard-selling them on the fact I didn’t care about their fucking processes, traditions, or “best case hiring practices”.
 
I hijacked the interview after they asked their initial question, and I asked my initial questions and I kept asking, and asking, and asking. I was “the bitch” and they were going to tell me how they were worthy of giving me the ring to marry. I made them tell me about their competitors and their challenges, their lives, why they were at this company, and how they saw their lives going in the future. It was liberating. At the end of the interview they told me they had an offer for me and it was all a mere formality at that point. As an afterthought they told me fill out the forms on their goddamned website. Ha!
 
Two weeks later after handling several other corporate bitches (redundant bullshit vetting) I had a job, but in that process, it was just a bunch of formalities and “risk management”. IE, “will this motherfucker leave after we hire him? And give him thousands of dollars in training.”-- I did fucking leave after I made the money I wanted.
 
My advice is to fucking sell, and sell, and sell yourself, and then to flip the script on them and make them prove they’re worthy as soon as possible. There’s no other way to get a job on the spot or in shitty circumstances, and it’s time for everyone to stop following fucking bullshit rules and scripts. Make these corporate fucks quake in their shoes, and qualify themselves. That interview is the only opportunity you have to make these fucks understand something beyond their own formalized, bureaucratized corporate bullshit.
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#2
Just walk in there and slap your cock down on the table. "Any more questions?"
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#3
I'm a degenerate. I drunk call potential employers for fun.

Here's how you get offers.

There's a phone tree, you're not going to want to respect it. Goal is to speak to manager or less preferably, a HR person. Dial an extension for the department that does the most business in terms of $. The most competent people are always here, and they fucking answer the phone, b/c of the business they do. If it is the b2b sales dept., you're almost guaranteed to speak to a manager or someone that knows their shit.

As far as handling a cold call I can't give you that much advise. For me it is about prolonging the interaction and gleaning as much info as possible, while subtly telling them about yourself, and almost sort of pretending to be a customer.

Anyway, since last friday I've spent roughly 2 hours cold-calling businesses that I think might be hiring. And I have 4 leads. All of the places I called while drunk are in discussions with me about hiring. Cold calling is also a huge resource to find out about how a place's business is going ( in $ and volume), and payrates there.

Hope this is helpful to someone looking for a job.

-JL
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#4
You did something 1 time and think you have a solid fail proof blueprint?
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#5
(05-22-2020, 11:43 PM)Dash Wrote: You did something 1 time and think you have a solid fail proof blueprint?

it was a joke, I said as much.

but this strategy, the one I outlined, freaking works.

I'm a sales guy so maybe not everyone is coming from the same reference point as me.
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#6
Any good sales book advice in here? I heard the one from Jordan belfort is good. I'm noticing whenever I'm coldcalling potential customers I often have voice changes within the phone call (my voice becomes more quiet as soon as the conversation goes on)
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#7
The One Minute Manager- Blanchard & Johnson-- (business books, management philosphy)
Give 'Em the Pickle- Farrell-- (sales, management)
The 48 Laws of Power- Greene-- (Self-improvement, sales, psychology)
How to Win friends and Influence People- Carnagie-- (Self improvement, self-help)
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#8
Asking others to employ you is as beta as it gets. Get the skill, and they will be knocking on your door, not the other way around.
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#9
I never applied for my current job. I posted a simple ad online that briefly listing my experience and qualifications and then waited for the phone to ring.

Was that beta?
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#10
(05-23-2020, 01:54 AM)Jerusalem Lothario Wrote:
(05-22-2020, 11:43 PM)Dash Wrote: You did something 1 time and think you have a solid fail proof blueprint?

it was a joke, I said as much.

but this strategy, the one I outlined, freaking works.

I'm a sales guy so maybe not everyone is coming from the same reference point as me.

Sounds like you stand by your analysis.
If you haven't met anyone, I'll assume you're lying (h/t to Teedub from the old forum)
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#11
WOW. What did I just read?

This isn't even on the spectrum, this is way out in the deep, dark murky waters. This is turbo autism.

This attitude might impress the 25 year old sales manager at a B2C solar call centre, double points if he watched Glengarry Glen Ross the previous evening. You might be lucky enough to score a commission only job where you need to make 100 cold calls a day!
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#12
@SpursFan741

SPIN Selling is a book worth reading.
After talking to a young lady for a while, she told me “Even though your skin is black, I can tell your heart is white.”
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#13
This is pretty hilarious. The virgin who used to give advice on getting laid now jobless giving advice on how to land a job like an alpha.
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