Need an advice
Hey bros,

I am a long term lurker of Roosh, NaughtyNomad and now Swoop. This is my first time making an account and posting to these types of forums. I made this thread because I need your advice, I need the advice of men like you.  I have to make a decision, a decision that will affect the rest of my life, it will change my life forever, a decision I am struggling to make for 2 months now.

About me.

I am a 33 old guy from EE, who made some horrible decisions in my life and lost my 20s. I'm not talking about prison or stuff like that, I am talking about my personal life and professional life. Regarding my personal life I've been stuck in multiple LTRs, I never got to live my life and grow as a man, have life changing experiences. Regarding my professional life I've been stuck in my family business, helping my mom with her business, and things did not go to well. This is where I destroyed 10 years of my life, I hate myself for it, I'm trying to forgive myself, but sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Reading how you folks managed to live your lives and build careers, and I have not achieved either, makes it hard sometimes to wake up in the morning.

About my appearance,  15% of the time, I am decent looking guy, 6 feet, I would say I am a 7 - 7.5. I am saying 15% of the time because I am fluctuating in weight, A LOT. I never managed to reach my full potential because of it. Also, I had such amazing hair, and now at 33, it's starting to thin. I never managed to take advantage of what God gave me.

Another thing about my appearance, I look 25-28, I can still fuck 19 yo.

One thing I was lucky with, being from EE, I always had good looking girlfriends. In my country, you can be ugly as shit, lack game, be fat, have no money etc, but you could still get a girl over 7. I never fucked an ugly girl or fat one. So, even though I was a failed piece of shit, I always had standards when it comes to girls. Hilarious, if I think about it. Had 1 or 2 mistresses, which were also good looking.  If I was born somewhere else, I would probably fuck only land whales and probably would have killed myself.

One thing that is important to mention and also to see how pathetic I was, I bragged about being in the family business to girls. Because in my country that usually means your family has money, but this was not the case. When I was 29, business made some money (not much, it was pathetic actually, but being so dirt poor, it seems a lot to me) and something happened that will change my life, I met a new girl.

This girl is the best I ever had, perfect body, tall, bubble but, tits, jaw dropping legs, really good pussy. In terms of face, I had prettier, but she is is still pretty. She is also a doctor, which I like. Hilarious again that it matters to me, what profession a girl has, when I am such a looser, I should be fucking low class girls.

I started a relationship with her, I think she gave me a shot because I bragged about my business, but soon she realized what a piece of shit I was. I started telling her lies, that the business atm is doing bad, things will change etc.

She has been mean to me, treated me like a dog, she mentions it's either her way or the high way. And I stayed, I stayed because I thought she will help me change my situation. AND SHE DID. Will her brute tactics, lack of empathy, lack of respect towards me, she made me loose weight (im still chubby, but really really big difference), she made me change career, I AM NOW A WEB DEVELOPER WORKING REMOTE etc. I stayed 1 year at her place on her money and learned programming.

She saved my life!


She treated me bad as human being during this period, she constantly reminded me that I was on her money, often she treated with me disgust. She constantly said that she "owned me". She talked bad things about my family etc.

My thinking was, things will change after I get employed, but they did not. She was still the same. My salary was low, I thought things will change when salary goes up. It went up, but she did not change. She got used to treating me like this and in my mind I knew I have to leave.

But I could not leave, I loved her regardless, she wanted marriage and I thought after marriage she will change (LOL, I know). During the wedding preparations she was an animal, I wanted to leave her, but my family put so much money I could not.

After the honeymoon (which was amazing), a depression kicked in. I realized that I did not really wanted to get married, I married because I wanted her to be happy. It was not so bad being married really, but it was not something I really wanted.

She acted nice, at first but I think my depression trigger her animal behavior again, she was the worst I ever seen. And I told her to fucking apologize and she refused, so I did what I should have done a long time a go and left.

Finally I am fucking man. She never thought I had balls to do it, but things change.

Also another thing important 1 day before I left, I've quit the biggest addiction I ever haid for over 16 years. Smocking. I've quit smocking.

Before I left, I said I am never coming back and she did not believe me. Because she kicked me out of her house many times and I kept coming back begging on my knees and crying.

Not this time bitch, not this time. So I've rented a nice apartment in the center of city, next to the action and started enjoying my life.

Now I know you guys do much better then I do, but I did not try hard or wanted to fuck the world, I was just minding my own business and when I had an opportunity I striked. I fucked 19 year olds, 20 year olds, 21-23 yo , 30 yo, and a 47 yo.

I've been gone for 2-3 months and she starting contacting me. Saying that she never knew how much she loved me, she does not want to live without me, she misses so much etc. And that really hit me. I met her she said she wants to change bla bla bla, that she saved money for us to buy a new car. We had sex and damn I missed that sweet pussy.

Before I met her my plan was clear. Travel the world as a digital nomad. I dont earn much yet, 1500 euro, BUT my salary goes up every year and I see that they are plenty of country I can start with this money. But now I don't know.

I have to make a choice, give her another chance or start my journey in becoming a man.

Why would I not give her another chance?

- I don't think people change. She will be tempered at the beginning, but after making babies I honesly think she will be back, because I will not be able to leave this easily

- That pussy is tempting, I get her pregnant, it's no turning back

- I will loose my backup money. I have 4000 euro, that I want to keep as backup, in case shit hits the fan in my travel. We need to buy a car new soon and we will use these money as well

- I never had the chance to travel alone etc. I will grow old and regret it?

- What happens if I divorce her when I am 50? 40? Shit will be much harder to start over

- I want to experience what you guys experience

- The relationship is built on shit foundation

- she does not want to leave our country, because of her job. She has it nice her. But I want to live in the civilized world not fucking EE

- She is a fucking bitch. There is no way around this. Yeah, I have my faults, but she's a bitch. I love her, but being married to a bitch is something I would regret?!

- I never evolved as man, I need tho travel experience, I need to leave my comfort zone

Why would I give her a chance?

- I really think she is the love of my life. I never loved anyone so much.

- Often I waked up feeling alone, although I forgot about it during the day and the nights

- She is family material, if I did not have these thoughts about traveling the world like you and have more thoughts about family would be great

- I love that pussy

- She saved my life

- I am 33, I destroyed my 20s. When would I settle down? And would I find a women that will trully love me, good looking, good profession when I am 42 - 43?

- I am more in to quality over quantity, not even 10 4s don't make an 8 IMO

- Even though she does not want to leave our country, she wants on a maternal leave that we stay in a another country

What would I regret more, giving the love of my life up or giving my life up?

Will I be in a car wit her, she acting like a total fucking bitch, day dreaming about puching her in the face?

Or I will be in Philipines, just nutted on slumrat's stomach thinking about how far I've fallen?

Will I be in Azerbaijan with a really fucking hot, classy iranian type girl thinking hmmmm, this is not so bad?

Or will I be in my home town, with a nice house, nice car, 2 kids, with a hot wife, living comfy? And like any other man, day dreaming about fucking other women?

Did you ever made a decision like this? Left the love of your life? What would you advice me to do?

P.S.: Sorry about spelling/grammar. Also I lack any talent when it comes to story telling. I did the best I could, hope I presented the situation properly.
You mention somewhere that you want to travel around the world? I think it is better that you leave her, travel the world and later you still have some time left to build a family, if you wish to do so. Is that your wish? Do you wish to build a family? Then it should be with a woman who respects you and she doesn't! Imagine you have kids with her and she treats you again like shit! What will happen with your kids? What will they think? They will be fucked (mentally) and you might even get worse (she was the reason of your depression).

Better start to travel, network here and there, learn about the history of the countries you want to visit, you are from EE so you will have more streetsmarts than the average Western European guy, you work remotely, what do you have to lose?

The need to travel will only grow...
I think that this is one of those posts where the OP already knows what he needs to do.
On the basis of what you've written I highly doubt she is family material. If my LTR disrespected my family or made it clear that she "owned" me, I'd drop her immediately. That amount of disrespect is unpalatable. Also, you even call her a bitch repeatedly throughout your post and say that the relationship is built on shit foundations. If you're looking to be with a girl for the rest of your life then you've got to make sure that there are no red flags at all, otherwise you're in for a rough ride.

Regarding her coming back into your life, she's pulling wool over your eyes and has you wrapped around her little finger. You were and still are her project, so it seems. She used coercion and manipulative tactics to get what she wanted - sure, that may have "saved your life" as you put it, by helping you to lose weight and get a better paying job, but at the end of the day such changes were more or less forced upon you by her. A woman who tries to change you has little respect for you and is ultimately looking out for herself. Have you stopped to question why she is trying to get back in to your life? Could it not be that her biological clock is ticking and knows that you'd be a viable option, considering that she knows she can more or less control your behaviour? If you were to proceed with getting back together with her, then I believe it would only be a matter of time until you "accidentally" get her pregnant. And then you're stuck with "the fucking bitch" for the rest of your life (if you intend on doing the right thing and stick around for your children, of course).

As for settling down, you're only 33. There's still plenty of time left for you to settle down (IMO early 40's is the rough cut off point if you want to find a young woman to have children with - don't want to be that guy who is too old and tired to keep up with his children), and as many men can attest to on here, there is top quality pussy around the world. Your current girl may be the best pussy you've ever experienced but I can guarantee there are many women out there who would treat you with far more respect and adoration.

All in all though, from your post and as Suits alluded to above, I think you know what you want to do deep down, and are just looking for reassurance. I think it's clear you want out and want to travel the world for a while, and my advice would be to do just that. if you feel inclined to, you can always settle down later in life. It's far from being too late for you to do that.

Put simply - you only get one life, but you can always find another wife.
(01-23-2020, 02:11 PM)changeishard123 Wrote: Why would I give her a chance?

- I really think she is the love of my life. I never loved anyone so much.

- Often I waked up feeling alone, although I forgot about it during the day and the nights

- She is family material, if I did not have these thoughts about traveling the world like you and have more thoughts about family would be great

- I love that pussy

- She saved my life
The above is the super red flag that I see.  She trauma-bonded you to her which is what many sick, personality-disordered women do to guys.  She gave your great sex and (BEGRUDGINGLY) supported you when you were down on your luck, but she emotionally abused and demeaned you.  That creates an addictive trauma bond because you are addictively chasing the few positive things while she conditioned you to accept the usual negative treatment.  It's just like intentionally depriving a drug addict of his drug, but throwing him a small amount every now and then to keep him around on an invisible leash.   

You need to:

-Become more aware of how sick, Cluster B personality disordered women who trauma-bond men destroy them.

-Look up Dr. Tara Palmatier on YouTube and read her book to learn just how she conditioned you to be trauma-bonded to her.

-Learn about the concept of "Hoovering" which is what she is trying to do to suck you back into her control.

-Go absolutely, 100% NO CONTACT with her.  Block her on social media, delete all photos, and mentally move on.

-Learn what YOU need to do to recognize how you are attracting such emotionally abusive vampires in your life to prevent from making the same mistake again and again with other girls.  These girls show themselves from the moment you meet them.
Favorite Countries:  Finland, Latvia, Ukraine, Serbia, Montenegro, Georgia, Japan, Argentina.

Countries For Future Travel:  Norway, Sweden, Uruguay, Paraguay, Bosnia, Macedonia, Moldova, Uzbekistan.
(01-23-2020, 05:36 PM)Reynard Wrote: As for settling down, you're only 33. There's still plenty of time left for you to settle down (IMO early 40's is the rough cut off point if you want to find a young woman to have children with - don't want to be that guy who is too old and tired to keep up with his children),

This kinda scares me though, so I only have 7 years of traveling. That's it. Are they worth it? Risking it all? Risking everything for 7 years of pleasure.
I'd personally take 7 years of traveling, exploring the world and having awesome adventures over 40 years with a women that treated me badly.
A lot can happen in 7 years and based on the way you've described her I don't think you're "risking everything."
The question of whether to take her back, and whether to settle down or not, are two separate questions, in my opinion.

I, for one, agree with many of the others. Do not take her back:

That does not stop you from finding another girl in your dream destination to settle down with. Failing that, at least you get to spend time in your dream destinations with at least a few girls.

Also, as other posters have also mentioned, you need to think differently, so this scenario doesn't happen again. Books like "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi or "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover may help.

Finally, don't think that having a family - and/or banging hot girls - is everything. They may be nice, but don't make things outside you your sole sources of contentment.
Visa Tips | LTR Lessons | Take what everyone (including I) say on here with a grain of salt. This is a mostly anonymous Internet forum. Don't eat paint.
There is a website called "Out of the Fog" that might also help you, OP.

Contrarian Expatriate above is right on. Being grateful to this woman for nagging and abusing you until you got your life in order is a sure sign of what's really going on here. You need to see it for what it is. The "love" you're feeling for her is just an addiction to the high points of her bullshit. Abusive people know when they're pushing you to the very limit and start "love bombing", and the victim learns to do whatever it takes to earn that because it feels so good.

You're going to lose a lot more than your savings if you let this happen to yourself.
I skimmed through everything, but “the relationship is built on a Shit foundation” is honestly enough for this to be a no brainer. There are three entities in any relationship

1) you
2) the girl
3) the relationship itself

Each one is important in its own right. And it’s nearly impossible to work past a shit foundation

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