Breakup/Oneitis Thread
#1
Since I found the manosphere in 2011 one of my biggest struggles over the years was oneitis. 

Before I lost my virginity in early college I was infatuated with a foreign exchange student....a beautiful blonde European girl that sat a row in front of me in a high school class. I never worked up the courage to talk to her. I enjoyed the fantasy of her in my head...but actually taking action and risking rejection would have put that fantasy at risk. I wasted a whole year of my life thinking about that girl. A whole year I could have spent bettering myself/pursuing other women. 

Fast forward to my first gf. I "fell in love" with this girl. I did everything a "nice guy" should do. I bought her food, took her on dates, waited for sex....favors upon favors. 

The kicker was she didn't have a car....she became accustomed to getting rides from me. But one week she got a new car, and the inevitable dumping happened. I begged, pleaded, and whined to get this girl back. 

My text went something like this: "You mean so much to me, can we talk about this?" (getting back together)

Her response: "Sorry I am going out with a coworker for his 21st birthday tonight."

Shot to the heart. 

 This girl stayed in my head rent free for almost a year. "How could someone I cared so much for treat me so coldly?" I just didn't get it. 

Eventually that heartbreak led me to the redpill. 

And then my third oneitis, a Mexican hottie that flew to the states on her own dime to extract my seed. I quickly fell into my old ways. I would reminisce on our times together after she returned home. 

And then one day I creeped her instagram. My Mexican unicorn had another man's arm wrapped around her. 

"How can I feel so strongly for these girls and they just move on to the next guy like it's nothing?" 

"I thought what we had was real."

"I'll never find another girl like her."

These are thoughts that would crowd my mind with these girls. 

With that said, here are the lessons I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way. 

Oneitis:

-"She is not perfect, her perfection starts and ends in your mind."


I would always replay the best image of these women in my head, often leaving out the possibility to observe their flaws. I believe it was Heartiste that advised men to notice a woman's flaws. 

In the case of my first girlfriend she was simply a narcissistic drunk. These girls are all human. They have insecurities and 10/10 times are 100% replaceable. They all use the same bathrooms as you and I. There is no reason to give her the false unicorn status....it's not reality. 

-"The opportunity cost of oneitis is HUGE."

Every second you waste thinking about this girl is a second you could have spent bettering yourself. 

Time you could have spent in the gym, building a skill...all the time you spend mulling her in your head is WASTED TIME. 

And in the end there is nothing more precious than your time. 

-"Idleness breeds oneitis"


Simply, If you are doing nothing with your life it is easy to revert to thoughts of your oneitis. Do anything...workout, start a hustle, find a hobby...just don't do nothing. When you make yourself busy you won't have time to ponder what your ex or that "special girl" is doing. 

-Realize that oneitis is scarcity

Just remind yourself of the vast amount of women out there. To get tripped up on one is delusional. Millions on millions of women are out there. 

There are women 100% better than your oneitis....there are women out there more attracted to you than your oneitis...you just have to remind yourself of that fact. 


Breakups:

-"Never Creep on her social media."


This one was hard for me. I constantly needed to check in on my exes just to see how they were doing in life. "I wonder if they're doing better than me." 

It's a hard cycle to break. And if you perceive that she is better off without you it will hurt and delay the healing process. 

"Out of sight, out of mind." Is the proper mantra when dealing with a breakup. Don't peek. 

-"If she dumped you accept her decision and never look back."


"One chance per girl per life." When you are in a relationship with a girl she sees the real you...and when she chooses to exit that relationship she is rejecting the REAL you. 

That's a decision she'll have to live with. Don't be bitter about it, recognize her disrespect...and walk away forever.

*a lot of guys will say try and milk her for a few more lays, I disagree. It prolongs the healing process...moving on is best. 

-"Never respond to her breadcrumbs"

A breadcrumb is a plea for attention from an ex girlfriend after the relationship has ended. "I miss you" texts, voicemails, friend requests, etc. 

This is simply a way for her test if you are the chump she judged you to be.

In any case don't respond to that shit. Ignore entirely. 

Radio silence. 

It is the strong thing to do. 

You put a premium on your attention. And a woman that judged you to be a chump is certainly not worth that attention. 

Radio silence = strength. 

"Go fuck 10 other girls"...Move up. 

I disagree. Take some time for yourself. Focus on health, family, and friendship. Empty hookups will put your ex on a pedestal through the power of contrast. 

Once you do start dating again make sure you shoot for girls that are hotter and more pleasant than your ex. Raise the bar. 

The "I can do better" mentality makes moving on that much easier. 



Go all in on self investment


Get jacked, focus on your career, travel to a new destination....whatever floats your boat. 

Usually after a breakup you have a lot of love that needs to go somewhere. It used to go towards your ex...but now is the time to redirect that love back towards yourself through self-improvement. 


Above all remember this:

If you cried and begged/ pleaded for her she no longer gives a fuck. Pity destroy attraction. Don't beat yourself up bro. It happens to the best of us. You are a human who felt real emotions. When you lose a girl you vibe with it can be like losing a loved one to death. 

Don't beat yourself up.

In 1-2 years time you will be a stronger version of yourself....this was just a stepping stone to becoming that person.

Anyways, this is a thread for those guys going through oneitis/breakups. They can be crippling at times. Share your tips for guys going through the same struggles. 

Best of luck guys.
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#2
It can be hard when you come from a place of scarcity. This may sound cliche but once you hit abundance and fuck a few hundred girls your mind shifts and you no longer put pussy on a pedestal. You realize beauty is largely luck while what you bring to the table was earned
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#3
(01-21-2020, 03:12 AM)finchfry157 Wrote: It can be hard when you come from a place of scarcity. This may sound cliche but once you hit abundance and fuck a few hundred girls your mind shifts and you no longer put pussy on a pedestal. You realize beauty is largely luck while what you bring to the table was earned

The only downside is that are you no longer capable of experiencing lasting emotional attachment.
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#4
Getting over Oneitis is a two pronged matter:  Recognizing that there is no "one true love" for each person, and growing past your high testosterone 20s so that you can think clearly and keep it all in perspective.

You already have mastered the first prong.  With the passage of time, you'll be able to actually think straight about women and how they are a dime a dozen.

I used to catch oneitis all the time, today, I next women and walk away from them as soon as I see red flags.  This seems to shock them because most men cannot do that.  Women count on men being fixated on them.  The key is to never be that way.
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