Making conversations interesting with ladies at social functions?
#1
After the conclusion of my most recent LTR that lasted 3+ years, I am again quite socially uncalibrated and rusty - besides being naturally introverted.
As part of my efforts to meet new people and expand my social circles, I am attending a bunch of social events such as birthday parties etc. where other people I've never met before attend as well. 
Certainly the goal is to proceed and meet new chicks who are also there and chat them up to see if they're any good for possible future isolation/dates etc. 

These social functions are usually dry, since the participants are all professionals with considerable egos  or postgraduate students doing masters/MBAs etc. around a similar age (from mid/late20s to mid/upper 30+s), so most of the initial topics being discussed would start from work: "how do you know "host"?"; "so what is it that you do?"; and other similar super boring opening "interview questions".

Now my question is: can anyone suggest (or refer me to publications or reading material reSmile possible topics to which the conversation should be directed that are not so dry and boring with a lady after the immediate introduction ? 
I don't think it is suitable to just drive the conversation to sexuality as you would if you were doing night game at a club? Is there any alternative?

Assuming that there are multiple people that you want to talk to in the same event, and don't want to look like you're clinging to the same lady the whole time you're there, I am looking for template such as: initiate/introduction -> interesting main conversation -> get contact (or not) & eject.

From my observations I noticed that, if the same chick (maybe because she's the hottest in the room) is being chatted up by multiple guys in rotation, some guys will last 5 mins before bouncing and some will try to talk to her the whole time. 
Usually I noticed the former happens because those losers run out of stuff to talk; and the latter because Chad manages to hook her up and she's really enjoying the time with the guy she's spending the most time talking to.

How do I find the right balance so that the conversation is memorable to her and I don't need to care about competition or being blown out by Chad? 

Thanks a lot for any advice and sorry for any autism spilled in this OP!
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#2
Everyone's favourite topic is themselves and we find ourselves trying to relate to whatever's being said.

WIA mentioned it best, the undercurrent is 'I would do that/I wouldn't do that'.

What I personally do, picked up from elsewhere, is focus on 4 things.

a) Emotions - How/what does that make her feel?

b) Motivations - Why would she do that?

c) Character traits - What type of person does that make her?

d) How does she see herself - given the above, what does she like about herself? What does this tell me about her?


You can apply this lens to any mundane introductory conversation and start digging deeper. Sure, you will start off with 'interview' questions but implement the above to go deeper.

She's a doctor? Why? What made her want to become a doctor? 

She knows the host from crossfit? Why would she join crossfit?

The theme here is connecting with her. The connection is flirty and sexual when she opens up and you ramp up the non-verbals with touching and invading her personal space.

By touching, it's minor things such as holding her back when you cannot hear her and ever so slightly leaning in. Putting your arm around her when she asks who do you know, to shift her positioning and direct her as you point at the person you know. 

Little things like this. I also like to tell them to hold still (regardless of how long I know them) to brush away something off the side of their face or in their hair. Of course, there's usually nothing there but I can gauge how responsive she is this way and introduce touching. 

When she is talking, your eye contact is on point. The ol' 'triangular gazing' i.e. looking at each eye and then her lips. It's suggestive. When girls do this to me, I know it's on.

I also incorporate the 'look' with the smirk. Then you eject and go around the room and give her that look when you lock eyes.

It's optional if you want to get her number immediately or later but generally, it should be done on a high.

Essentially, don't focus on sexualizing the conversation. Let your body language and non-verbals do that for you. Let the conversation seem natural by letting her talk about herself and directing the conversation to get somewhere deeper. It's similar to what therapists do.

I hope this makes sense, let me know if you have any questions.
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#3
(12-04-2019, 03:26 AM)randomA Wrote: After the conclusion of my most recent LTR that lasted 3+ years, I am again quite socially uncalibrated and rusty - besides being naturally introverted.

Thanks a lot for any advice and sorry for any autism spilled in this OP!

I'm introverted too. I rarely go to social events anymore for lots of reasons like not functioning too well in them or people wanting me to do things I don't want to do. I propose finding something you're good at and drawing people in. For example since I spent so many years in the food industry I could give cooking lessons.  I wouldn't look at your autism as something that's a weakness.
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#4
(12-04-2019, 10:20 AM)Noir Wrote: [...]

wow, goldmine! thanks a lot. it all makes a lot of sense. 
will digest it a bit, then will put it in practice next time and get back here for more questions/feedback!

cheers!

(12-04-2019, 12:19 PM)ChicagoFire Wrote:
(12-04-2019, 03:26 AM)randomA Wrote: After the conclusion of my most recent LTR that lasted 3+ years, I am again quite socially uncalibrated and rusty - besides being naturally introverted.

Thanks a lot for any advice and sorry for any autism spilled in this OP!

I'm introverted too. I rarely go to social events anymore for lots of reasons like not functioning too well in them or people wanting me to do things I don't want to do. I propose finding something you're good at and drawing people in. For example since I spent so many years in the food industry I could give cooking lessons.  I wouldn't look at your autism as something that's a weakness.

to be honest, social events or gatherings and stuff are not my cup of tea as you might have understood but in this stage (i.e. after shattering breakup after a long LTR) I am trying to do things that push me out of my comfort zone, otherwise I end up staying home alone browsing the internet or playing videogames (at my age!) without ever meeting new people. I don't even have online dating apps accounts and am trying my best not to use them at all.
finding something that draws people in sounds good in theory but hard to do in practice because I would need first to scout suitable people to join me to begin with. 
my close friends do not have much more of interesting social circles so that's why I thought about mingling (or trying to) with strangers.
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#5
I know you said your regurgitating what you've learned elsewhere but that's great advice Noir. +1
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#6
I second Noir's advice.

I always like to open a girl with something I can play a joke off of and go from there.
It's usually something playful, childish, or maybe an 80s or 90s reference since the younger chicks dig that.

Not quite a neg.
I once opened a girl with, "You know, you have a distinct Punky Brewster vibe."
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#7
(12-09-2019, 12:18 AM)fullthrottle Wrote: I second Noir's advice.

I always like to open a girl with something I can play a joke off of and go from there.
It's usually something playful, childish, or maybe an 80s or 90s reference since the younger chicks dig that.

Not quite a neg.
I once opened a girl with, "You know, you have a distinct Punky Brewster vibe."

what do you transition the conversation into ? 
How do you go past the usual stuff like " so how do you know [host]?" etc. ?
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#8
You dont.

You move to a country where the English levels are low enough, and cultural differences vast enough that any social awkwardness goes noticed. That was basically the premise behind the RVF travel section.
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#9
A quality post full of value by ed!
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#10
(12-09-2019, 04:10 AM)randomA Wrote:
(12-09-2019, 12:18 AM)fullthrottle Wrote: I second Noir's advice.

I always like to open a girl with something I can play a joke off of and go from there.
It's usually something playful, childish, or maybe an 80s or 90s reference since the younger chicks dig that.

Not quite a neg.
I once opened a girl with, "You know, you have a distinct Punky Brewster vibe."

what do you transition the conversation into ? 
How do you go past the usual stuff like " so how do you know [host]?" etc. ?

You have to elevate small talk to medium talk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOVWS7r9ADY

Good Youtube comment:
"Basically larry is saying "You are boring and unpopular, and your idea of a compelling conversation is how you forgot cursive, so i am trying to pry into your deepest personal issues so i dont blow my head off from the boredom"
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#11
Just act natural. Anything that seems forced or fake is an instant signal to them that you aren't worthy. Don't try hard. Act kind of interested, but not too interested.
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#12
(12-10-2019, 11:19 PM)TheSignal Wrote: Just act natural. Anything that seems forced or fake is an instant signal to them that you aren't worthy. Don't try hard. Act kind of interested, but not too interested.

This advice doesn't work because natural for you might be easy flowing conversation, for other guys it's awkward small talk - at best. For me, being funny is natural.

Making an impression is important and this means getting out of your comfort zone.

George Constanza, doing the opposite of what he'd normally do, with great results...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y_6fZGSOQI

In fact for most guys, this is the advice to follow. Just do the opposite of whatever you'd normally do.
I could probably slay by not being funny lol.
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