Life development [newbie journal]
I view this thread as a life/game journal.

Because i don't think it would be healthy to focus only on meeting woman.

For past 2-3 months I isolate myself, bingewatch some shit. It'll be easy to blame internet but this is my fault. I don't think digital detox will do any good longrun. I need to busy myself with goal so i don't have any time for this dumb shit. The only escapism that allowed is football(soccer) and boxing/ufc.

I want to create my business. But i have no experience. It would be nice to work for someone and gain it. I may work for free this way i'll have leverage. It's because i see my mom (proffesional with top skills) work for someone who doesnt know wtf they're doing and have only theirs ego based goals. She tweaking system and owner goes up and destroy it because of his dumbness haha.

The hard part is facing the fear. Fear of judgement, failure etc. Because the only thing that stops people of doing their thing is fear (sometimes it is not but mostly). I know for a fact that i'll be scared to talk to owners about my work but what else can i do?
Today I see of my friend to the army. In Russia it's your obligation to go to army after you turn 18. So there are alot of moms, dads, gf's etc. Moms that overprotect their childrens, this guys are soft (who just goes to army) and I see myself in them too. Because your parents do everything for you, you're just laying on the couch and watch some shit. I have my moment of independence but after some time I return back to my former self. My 3-4 months of isolation is the same isolation of every other millenial - watch stuff on internet. I need to grow up overall not only in "woman" sphere.

Because today I feel nervous around people and realize that I was a kid. That my father would eat me alive in terms of masculinity. And because of that I decide to pay for my room to my mom hahaha. Take some step to independence. Atleast it will do good psychologically to me. Give up infantile dependancy. Which women would want to fuck a kid? Maybe only pedophiles haha

I planning go to home only for sleep, rest of the time - do shit. If I will remain the same aka lay on couch do nothing - it would be catastrophic. There is some much for me to better myself at. And also there alot of fears in me due to this kinda overprotective parenting. I don't blame anybody for this. Returning to masculinity only on me now.

Edit: I remember now my feeling when I decided to live on my own in other city. Moved there, give up and return back... I was so scared fuck meee. And today when I see fear in guys eyes I suddenly remembered this feeling. This what I talking about in my first post - discomfort, fear. If I wanna grow up I need voluntarily put myself in FIRE over and over again. Fire like this feeling of being scared when I with no money in different city and don't come back. ONLY PUSH FORWARD.
It sounds to me like you know what you need to do. Put yourself in the fire. I'll be waiting to hear about it, good and bad.

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