Live the life you want – Should I be in a relationship?
Many exotic girls in my life, a constant stream of new pussy, an international lifestyle and awesome friends to share it with… I just smashed my 19 year old black girlfriend and she’s now cooking dinner for me. Don’t worry, she doesn’t speak a word of English so I don’t mind whether she is trying to read along.
“Que haces amor?”
Life is great and I’m feeling pretty good about my situation. It has been over one year that I have been traveling, adventuring and slaying down pussy like a lumber jack. Last year has been the best time of my life, head and shoulders above all previous experiences. The places I have seen, the people I have met and the experiences I have shared, they have changed me for the better. I have learned more about myself the past year then the lifetime leading up to it.
Last year was the moment I finally had the courage to change my life and live the way I want to live. I stopped going along with the stream and I stopped caring what other people thought about it. I am so glad I found that courage because looking back I was very close to living a completely different lifestyle.
Thinking about those days send shivers down my spine. I will tell you a bit more about where I came from to arrive at this turn around point, I hope some of you can relate, or be inspired by it.
My first relationship: Blue pill & clueless
I was kind of a late bloomer, I found my first girlfriend when I was 17. Average looking but great sex. It pains me however to look back and realize how clueless I was. I would easily pass every item on the blue pill checklist, a firm believer of “Treat your woman rightfully and respectfully, then she will be kind and caring to you”. That’s unfortunately not how women work, and this girl was a little bit of a freak so it especially didn’t apply to her.
Drama would come and go seemingly at random, I would have no idea what would trigger it. I was being a good and loyal boyfriend, she never had any actual reasons to be upset about so she would make things up. I would always remain calm and explain her with logic that a ‘misunderstanding’ was causing the drama. I can’t believe how patient I was, she was just looking to be put back in her place.
We once got into a fight; she was angry because “I didn’t get angry at her and I was always logic and calm”. My clueless mind was blown, a hard confrontation with the irrationality of women. She needed that drama and my logical reactions were not filling that need. One day I got a text message from her “Hey Marie, I kissed Erik last night” that “accidentally” sent to me, I immediately broke up with her.
I think this relationship stands model for so many men that are clueless about women. Like them, I just “had a girlfriend”, simple right? I had no idea about attraction, passing shit tests or frame control. I never was needy or providing and we had very good sexual chemistry, but I was too available to her. I didn’t chase other girls, I didn’t have anything to hide from her, so I had become too much of a sure thing. We lasted for nearly a year but I had already started opening my eyes to the true nature of women.
Intermezzo: Smooth Operator
My success with women only started to take off in college. I was living in a student house on campus where I met one of my best friends Smooth Operator. We immediately became partners in crime. We were still very low on the learning curve but we had a drive to get laid, learn and improve our game that was unmatched. We were living and breathing game, we would go out every single night and day and push each other out of our comfort zones. We did all the ridiculous PUA-shit, we crashed and burned, we got rejected 1000’s of times, but we didn’t care, it was a game. Those were great times, I can’t help but laugh thinking about all the crazy shit we were doing to get laid. Having a wing man like Smooth Operator with the same (ridiculously high drive) definitely created synergy.
I was learning a lot on how to get women, I wasn’t yet learning anything about women. I got better and better at picking up women and my drive was unmatched. The better I got, the more women I seduced. The more women I got, the hotter my girls would be. Then I met Lauren, an absolutely smoking girl with a great personality. She would be my second long term relationship.
My 2nd relationship: Cheating 101
I had changed a lot since my first relationship, so I was more in control of this relationship, even though this girl was hot. I loved walking around with her, showing her off and how other dudes would stare at her. Friends and strangers would ask me how I found such a cute girl. That is the power of game, to get the high quality girls, you have to be good with women. You have to have confidence, the right body language and frame control, all things that improve with experience. But this power comes at a price. Once you know how the get girls and high quality girls, you can’t switch it off.
Things were going great between us, my family loved her, she wasn’t giving me drama and we had great sex. But there was one problem: She was only one girl. I couldn’t stop thinking about other girls. We were still in college so we would only see each other during the weekends, so it was too hard for me to resist temptation. I cheated on her a LOT. I was basically being a bachelor by week and a boyfriend in the weekend. Now that sounds like a great setup, but even though I had rationalized the cheating to myself and I didn’t feel guilty about it at all, I would still always be worried to get caught.
I became an expert on cheating on my girlfriend, in fact I will write a guide on how to cheat on your girlfriend next. However, every time you cheat, you do take a risk and the smallest mistake can get you caught and mess up your relationship. You missed one earring your other girl left behind, you didn’t put your phone on silent/lock mode while you’re in the bathroom, hell you even if you missed ONE HAIR in your bedroom: you’re screwed.
Good as I was, eventually it started to weigh on me. There was no way this could end well, eventually it would end up badly. So even though there was nothing wrong with her, nor the relationship, I broke up with her. My friends told me I was crazy letting this girl go “I would marry her if I was you!”.
My 3rd relationship: Blue pill relapse
I was back to the life I loved most. Many girls, hooking up left and right, partying with friends, total freedom. But I still had a part blue pill left in me. I had not yet broken free from social conditioning’s ugly claws just yet.
As more and more of my friends were settling down, it seemed I was the odd one out, the only one interested in being single as a lifestyle. My friends would be looking to find a girl, I would be looking for the next girl.
Slowly my Facebook news feed transformed into a happy couple carousel. Drunken party pictures became pictures of a romantic city trips. Profile pictures would change to wedding picture first, a picture of the baby next. I would more often get invited to a house warming or a wedding than to a poker night with the guys.
Now even my best friends were settling down and getting praised for it too. My parents and family were getting on my case and I got sucked in by this social conditioning, I actually convinced myself that there was something wrong with me, that I was not normal. I should just “face reality” and stop living my life like I can do whatever I want.
What a horrible idea…
The most miserable time of my life
Should I be in a relationship? Ok, that’s what I’ll do. Against better judgement, I decided I would give it a try and “be normal”. I would be in a committed relationship and I would be loyal, I would not cheat. How can I judge it when I never REALLY gave it a try? It’s what everybody else is doing, so it should be great, right?
Friends, I know this is an A-grade first world problem, but I have never been so miserable in my life as in those days. It wasn’t because of the girl, she was gorgeous, she loved to cook for me and had a very feminine and caring personality. But I was being untrue to myself. I felt like a lion trapped in a golden cage. I was bored the fuck out of my mind. I honestly don’t know how other people can handle it. I did not only had to drag myself to work every morning, I had to drag myself back home as well.
Sure a hot meal would be waiting for me, the dishes would be done, my clothes would be washed, but I just couldn’t get excited about watching another TV show together or having another couple visit us and witnessing the one-up competition.
It got to the point where I couldn’t even watch TV anymore. Just turning on MTV would get me so horny for other girls I had to switch off the TV. At the same time my sex drive plummeted. It’s a cliche that the woman always has a headache and guys are complaining they don’t get enough sex, it was the opposite for me. She was very attractive but I had lost sexual interest in her, sex felt like a chore. I would rather watch porn and see new girls. I was more unhappy than ever.
I didn’t understand, something clearly was wrong with me. My friends settled down with girls of objectively lower quality and worse personalities. How come I was feeling this miserable?? Clearly this lifestyle was NOT working for me. Looking back I can’t believe I managed to hold on for that long, by the end I was literally depressed.
But actually reaching that low point was exactly what I needed. I needed to walk into that wall. It gave me the power and courage to drastically change my life for good. I had given it my all for one year and I got slapped in the face with the giant iron glove of reality. It’s in moments of despair you get up and become strong!
Fuck going along with the stream, fuck the whole stream all together!
I was ready to make drastic changes in my life.
New lifestyle: Honesty
“Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets.”
I broke up with my girlfriend, I sold my apartment, I quit my job and I bought a one way ticket to the unknown. For the first in a long time I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. It takes courage to be honest to yourself and to follow your heart, but once you do, you won’t regret it.
I live my life the way I want and I’m not making excuses for it either, and soon enough I met people with the exact same mindset, Fisto, 20Nation, we instantly became best friends.
Looking back at my friends back home trying to convince me I was taking the wrong choices, I realize they were likely trying to convince themselves as much as they were trying to convince me. That’s how social conditioning works, by convincing others to do the same as yourself, you feel reassured about that choice.
Although some may be happy flowing along with the stream, because that’s easy, nobody will judge you for this, people will even encourage you to do so. But the key to feeling happy in your life is to be true to yourself and to do whatever makes you happy, don’t live to meet expectations of others and do whatever it takes to pursue your dreams.
Should I be in a relationship? I guess not.