It’s time for another Reader Adventure. We have had a couple of these before, one by Josh Bar on his trip to Colombia and another by Chaos on his trip to Poland. It’s time for #3. This story was submitted by RealityCheck. It’s a cool story about a trip in Chang Mai, Thailand. He meets a really interesting character, Tom, and gets a taste of how crazy the dating market is in South East Asia. Enjoy.
Getting to know everybody
When I was in Bangkok I signed up for a Jeep tour in Chiang Mai. There was a short meeting about the tour which would start the next day held in the main area of my Chiang Mai guesthouse. We were a small group of about ten people, all of them Israeli except two Americans traveling together, a guy named Tom and a girl named Liz.
Tom was drinking a beer during the meeting and was making jokes like Phuket is pronounced “fuck it” while the Israelis stared at him. I thought to myself ‘great, another American who is going to make me feel embarrassed about being American myself.’
When the meeting was over we sat there and got to know each other a bit. A bunch of them had rented electric scooters, and two of them had already fallen off. Of course none of them actually had prior experience driving electric scooters but it’s not like you need a “license” or anything to rent one. Tom proudly held up his forearms for everyone to see his huge scabs from his fall. He smiled as we all stared at his injury. “It’s no big deal,” he assured us.
Later we went to the night market and I started talking to him. If there’s one way that I could describe him it’s that he seemed distant. He always took a second or two longer than he should have to process what was going on around him. I found out why when I asked him what he did back in the States and he said that he had been in the Marines for four years.
Shortly after the Jeep tour began I found him to be an awesome, stand-up guy. He was especially more fun to be around than the lame-ass Israelis I was with. That same evening he and I were drinking in an Irish-themed pub. I asked him what he did the night before in Chiang Mai and it took him two minutes of hard thinking and help from one of the Israeli guys to remember that he had only arrived to Chiang Mai that afternoon.
I asked him questions about the Marines, but eventually stopped because he seemed bored by the topic. It ended up that only him and I were at that pub and the rest of the group went to eat somewhere near by. When they came back they all wanted to know, “How many beers did Tom drink?” I told them only one and they were shocked since he had been drinking nonstop all day.
The Jeep tour was fun in a tourist kind of way, with activities like visiting refugee villages, going elephant riding, etc. In the meanwhile, Tom was drinking excessively and enjoying himself, to the chagrin of the Israelis.
The trip got interesting when we went briefly to a market in Laos. I didn’t buy anything, but Tom bought himself a bottle of “snake whiskey,” which is whiskey that has a large dead poisonous snake in the bottle for flavor. He also bought himself a cane to walk with because he was limping from his scooter accident. Later that evening we arrived at a huge upscale hotel. We were the only ones there. We went out to a night market again (Chiang Rai), and I started getting pretty sick of going to markets.
When we got back everyone went to sleep except for me and the American girl, and right as she headed off to bed Tom showed up. He tried to convince her to stay awake but she didn’t want to. Tom offered me a shot of his snake whiskey to which I accepted and we ended up staying up for hours drinking.
As we got drunker I started asking him about the Marines again and this time he was more receptive. We exchanged some stories about our services. The only thing I said about my service that he laughed at and seemed to connect with was that I was a light machine gunner and what a pain in the ass it was to clean my gun, and whenever I asked other people for help they always made up some excuse about how they’re too busy.
As we got drunker we started exchanging martial arts techniques. I was showing him Krav Maga and he was showing me the Marine Corps martial art. As I was showing him a knife defense technique, with a real switchblade that he bought in Laos, he accidentally gashed open his wrist but was so hammered from the snake whiskey that he didn’t notice. Neither did I.
He only realized when I told him because I saw red drops accumulating on the floor. He said it’s no big deal and asked me to roll his wrist in toilet paper, and then we continued drinking like nothing happened.
The next morning when we woke up for breakfast at 8:00 Tom, to my shock, got an early start on the day and ordered himself a beer. Two older women on the trip made judgmental comments about Tom’s drinking habits. After breakfast we got into the Jeep and Tom took another beer with him. This is where Thailand is awesome because the driver, instead of saying he can’t drink in the car, opened the beer for Tom with his teeth. We went to another village and Tom bought a slingshot from the villagers. He used it to start firing lollipops around the village with a smirk on his face which upset the villagers for some reason so our tour guide made him stop.
During the next ride Tom was riding shotgun and blasting country rock music through the speakers, singing along loudly, and dancing in his seat – beer in hand. He was having a great time, and I didn’t mind, but the Israelis all had this look of disdain on their faces and the Israeli girl whined to her boyfriend in Hebrew that we need to listen to different music. She refused to ride in the same Jeep as Tom for the rest of the trip.
Our next stop was a waterfall. Getting there required hiking for about forty minutes. Tom stayed behind because of his injured leg. When we came back, Tom had bought himself a case of beer and put it in the cooler that we used for bottled water attached to the top of our Jeep. The last stop of the trip was at a hot springs which wasn’t too exciting. When we got there Tom got out of the Jeep with no shirt or shoes. All he had was his sling shot and a beer.
The guide seemed uncomfortable with Tom’s appearance and told him it’s recommended to bring shoes. Tom said, “I don’t believe in shoes,” and went without them. After, we returned to our original guesthouse in Chiang Mai. I decided that I had a much better time hanging out with Tom and Liz. For dinner I thought the three of us would go out but Tom had gone to get a massage so just Liz and I went. I wasn’t interested in banging her so I just treated her as friendly company during the meal.
Later we went to a local tourist drinking spot called “Yellow Bar” and did a power hour with beer towers. After that I was pretty smashed and like the last time I was here I ran my “post game” by posting up at a spot on the bar and talking to any cute girl who walked by. To give credit where it’s due, this is pretty much Roosh’s “Sniper Game.” I didn’t have any success, probably because I was too smashed to hold a reasonable conversation. I remember talking to some Scottish girls and thinking that their accent was the most unattractive thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
The next day we found ourselves drinking by the pool in the guesthouse. Tom had gotten some kind of disgusting Thai liquor that he mixed with Fanta. I barely managed to finish one because it was so nasty. At one point Tom looked at his mixed drink for a few seconds, shook his head, grabbed the bottle of Thai liquor and took a swig from that instead. Then he went back to drinking his beer.
The last thing I did with them was go to a fish spa where the fish eat the dry skin off your feet. Liz didn’t want to participate so she waited for us. Tom had large scabs on his feet so naturally the fish went into a feeding frenzy and caused them to open up. He started bleeding profusely into the water (I was in a different tank) but this didn’t deter him. He sat there happily with his beer while the water in the tank became bright orange and his blood webbed out in all directions. After that I said goodbye to them because they were going to catch a bus to Bangkok, and I was staying in Chiang Mai for one more night.
That evening I went by myself to see a Muay Thai fight. This was hands down one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. The first fight was between two sixteen-year-old kids. You have to love a country where you can pay to watch minors beat each other up.
When the fights were over I headed to Yellow Bar with two guys from California that I met at the Muay Thai venue. One of the guys was cracking me up with stories about getting drunk and fucking Thai girls and also going to the tiger petting zoo drunk with his buddies and snapping photos of themselves dry-humping the tigers. He added that just the night before he had gotten head from a Thai girl.
I told him how I was trying to stay away from the Thai girls because I didn’t want to unknowingly take a prostitute home, or even worse, a ladyboy, not to mention get VD. He said that’s bullshit and that I should give it a shot, so since I was drunk and having a good time, I agreed to.
At the bar we started drinking and two cute Israeli girls in their early twenties that I had met before the Jeep tour were also at the bar and came up to say hi. As is the case with most young Israeli girls, I could tell that they were poor prospects for fast sex, so I decided that hanging out with the two guys from California was more worthwhile than hanging out with them. They quickly scurried off when they saw that I had purchased two bracelets, one of which said “Shitpussy,” and then other which said, “Fuck Bang OK.”
I went on to the dance floor and started dancing with some Thai girls. I started making out with one of them. During the make out I saw the two Israeli girls walk by and give me dirty looks. After a few minutes I suggested that we go “somewhere else.” What I meant by that was another bar; I was running the comfort building game I was used to running in the West.
To my surprise, she suggested that she drive me back to my guesthouse, but first she tested me by asking me what her name is. I thought for a few seconds but then I said, “You never told me,” to which she replied, “Good, you’re not too drunk.” Classy.
In other news, I was pretty smashed. I accepted her offer of a ride and banged her in my room. Thankfully she didn’t turn out to be a ladyboy or prostitute, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I used a condom.
The ease of picking up a Southeast Asian chick, in contrast to a western girl, shocked me, and continued to shock me throughout the trip. She left and I went to sleep. I slept through my alarm clock that I set for 5:45 to catch a flight to Phuket. I would have missed the flight but someone from the guesthouse came knocking on my door at 7:15 and I just barely made it to the airport in time.
The Thai girl from that night totally caught me snapping this picture of her, but didn’t care at all.
About the writing: I’m an American and in In May 2013 I took a solo trip to Thailand, right after I finished serving in the Israel Defense Forces. Around the time, I read Fisto’s thread about his time in SEA, which inspired me. You can follow my blog by going to laidtlv.wordpress.com. Thanks for reading.
Want to get your travel story published on Swoop?
Swoop The World is about more than just a couple guys traveling the world, so if you have a travel story that involves some romance, you can submit your story on Swoop. Swoop The World gets over 10,000 views a day, so it’s a good way to share with like minded guys. If you have a story to submit send it to our email: Swooptheworld@gmail.com