Puerta Plata, Dominican Republic Part 1

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Puerta Plata, Dominican Republic

The bus ride over was nice considering we paid about 200 pesos.  It was air conditioned and the seats reclined better than most airplanes I’ve been on.

The views were quite pretty as we rolled through the more rural areas.  There are beautiful green mountains here and the sky was clear blue.

It was dark when we arrived and we have come to dread getting a taxi.  It’s like taxi’s are great or terrible, both in their advice and eagerness to nail you with the highest gringo tax available.

Our phones pulled up almost nothing regarding places to stay so we were at the mercy of luck.

As it happened, luck was on our side and we ended up at a place pretty close to the beach with AC, a decent sized clean room that was pretty nice for 800 pesos per night and only an extra 100 if you had a girl stay over.  It also had a pool that wasn’t bad.  It was located on a little side street with no sign about a quarter mile from the main road.

We were pretty tired.  I don’t know what it is but airplanes and buses just take it out of me.  I decided to chill in my room for a bit and do a little mini workout while THC and 20Nation went for food.

When I finally emerged I was very hungry.  I decided to make a right on the main road to our hotel and walked past a few restaurants including an Italian place that looked good judging by the smell and ambiance inside.

I walked on until I found a Colmado and a motor concho (motor taxi) parked outside.



I told him I needed a cash machine or “cajero” and hopped on the back.  We went through part of the city and riding on a bike makes you feel more connected.  The smells, the air currents, the closeness to other drivers.

We got to an ATM that was banco Popular (the ones I’ve had the most success with) and I tentatively put my card in.  In La Vega I had trouble getting cash from any other bank except the Popular at La Sirena.

Sure enough, it didn’t work.

“Ok, otra”

So we took off.

Next one didn’t work.  Nor the next one, nor the next one.


I had just under 200 pesos on me and this guy was probably going to want most of it by the time I was done running around.

I went into a gas station and tried to buy some stuff with my debit card to test out if there was some bank hold.  I bought some almonds and water no problem.

Marvelous, so my ATM card wasn’t going to work at all in Puerta Plata.  There’s no reason for it other than it simply wouldn’t work.

I told the guy to take me back to the colmado we met (I had no idea where I was by now) but he interpreted that as any colmado at all.

I said no no, the first colmado where you and I met.


Different colmado.


Finally he got it and we went back.


The Waitress

I walked along the main road of the hotel and went into the Italian place.  I asked the guy that greeted me if they accepted the “tarjeta” (card).



We kept talking with mixed English and Spanish.  Turns out he was the owner.  Looked like a white man but said he was from the DR.

Told me to sit down and I could pay the next day.

I sat down and noticed the sexy ass waitress as she walked by.  Very pretty, almost Asian eyes, hair back, big nice ass with tight jeans on, and small breasts.

She came over and I smiled at her while I took the menu.

I noticed she went and walked back over to hang out at the bar near some old guy.  Hmmm…

That could mean anything.

I got the churrasco (steak) with some mixed green salad and some vino tinto.  The red wine was delicious.  After months of no red wine this tasted awesome, even if it was chilled in the Dominican fashion.

The waitress’s name was Josefina and she had braces.  I could tell there was chemistry so I asked what she was doing later.  She said she was tired when she got off and I made a joke about “how boring!” in exaggerated gringo Spanish.

She laughed and I said, “write your number down for me and we will go out”.

Then she smiled even bigger and put her hand in her pocket and then discreetly handed me her number already written on a piece of paper.

The steak was damn good and the first one I had in weeks.  I drank 3 glasses of wine and was feeling a nice little buzz from the warmth in my stomach.

I went and thanked the owner and said I’d return tomorrow.


The Club

When I returned 20Nation and THC were already at the hotel.  20Nation had a girl with him that he had met online or something and so THC and I headed to a club called PURE in the casino not far away.

We doubled up on the back of a motorbike and THC spoke to the Haitian driving us in French along the way.

We stepped inside and it was gringo central.  Something I hate.  The guys were all wearing fucking polos and were standing around in huge little clicks talking to the obvious pros.

Which turned out to be understandable, looking around, there was nothing but pros.

Apparently, we were going to have to put on our shoring hats (to “shore” a pro means to get sex for free).  It was a little late so we weren’t going to try another spot and since it was THC’s birthday, we were going all in.

I ordered a bottle of Belvedere Vodka and we got a table.  Girls were already sizing us up of course and the table had them tripping over themselves to get our attention.  With mixers it came to be about 100 USD.  Not too bad considering the occasion and I knew my card was working so it was on.

There were two girls that were sexy as hell to me from the group we had around us, I pulled this one young little thing over that had one of the best asses I’ve seen in a long time.  It was just perfectly round.  You could set an apple on it.

I started chatting with her a little and like most pros, she had some basic English skills that sounded cute coming out of her pretty little face.

With my eyes I followed the other girl I liked as she walked away and up some stairs to the DJ booth were I saw her start talking to some “big” Dominican guy.

A couple times I noticed the other girls going up and seemingly check in with him and I pegged him as their pimp.


That pretty much meant that shoring wasn’t going to happen.

THC and I talked briefly and our conversation boiled down to “Let’s just see what this might cost us”.

My Spanish is not at the level for negotiation so THC usually handles that with taxis and hotel managers.

And now hookers it seems.

The head hooker was all over his nuts and seemed to be speaking for the rest of them.  He leaned over and said “Bro, they only need 1000 pesos!”

This is about the equivalent to 25 USD.

I was floored.

Damn no wonder dudes take the easy way out.  I mean, I knew it was cheap in some places but that seemed ridiculous.

We leaned over and continued our conversation which pretty much boiled down to “Fuck it”.

I wasn’t crazy about paying for sex but I was also tired and didn’t feel like going through the motions of shoring and the possible drama and other bullshit that can happen with a Pimp 25 feet away.

I pulled my little bubble assed girl (19) close and said “Quiro tu y ella” (I want you and her).  I reasoned if I was paying for sex I was going all in with that too.

She got this big smile on her face and rapidly started speaking to the other girl I liked.

The other girl seemed very shy and new to hooking even though she was older while the 19 year old seemed to know what to do.  She quickly had the girl nodding in agreement.

The girls didn’t really want to drink our vodka so we got completely shit faced while fucking around.  We finished the bottle between the two of us and our heads were spinning.

I have little flashes of the car ride home and I wish I had a more clear memory of the sex.

I was directing the girls to do what I wanted and they were giving me the double blow job (God that’s sexy) while the 19 year old was making the other older girl (22? 23?) do whatever she pleased as well as what I said.

When it came time for the older girl to go down on her she grabbed her by the hair and forced her down while blowing me.

Very very hot.  I was ready and threw on a condom and started pounding away.

And that’s when alcohol dick and the lack of sensation from the condom really cramped my style.

It sucked.

I was about 40% hard and when it was the 19 year old girls turn I had to cram my cock inside her and couldn’t really get back up to full mast.

I took the condom off but she no longer wanted to suck it without a condom (double damn) which started really killing the chemistry.

We ended up falling asleep with one girl in each arm.

The next morning, I was reminded why I don’t get hookers.

I was awakened by banging on the door.

It was one of THC’s girls, who also acted as the boss of the bunch.

She was ready to go and I was in full on wanting to bang my young girl again mode.  So I said one moment and pushed the other girl outside.

My girl was bewildered but was going along with it until the boss girl started beating on the door again yelling.

I just said fuck it and opened the door.  She was demanding the money as if we were holding out.  We weren’t at all I just wanted another shot at my girl with the stellar ass.

We gave them their thousand pesos each and sent them on their way and I went back to bed.



About 40 minutes later there’s a knock on the door.  I open it and it’s the lady who works at the front desk.

“Policia es aqui”.

Huh?  Porque?

“Yo no se”.

I look to my left and see a two guys walking towards me as she is banging on THC’s door.

“Como esta?” he says still walking cautiously towards me.

“Bien Senor.  Que es el problema?”

That fucking bossy hooker told the cops that I locked my girl inside my room.  While I’m explaining that, that is utter horse shit, she and the rest of the girls show up with one other fat girl that speaks English and some guy who I’m sure thought he was tough until he saw THC and I looking pissed.

The next 15 minutes pretty much boiled down to “we want more money”.

This was obviously the bossy girls idea as the others were standing around looking unsure of what do do and guilty.  NONE would look at us.

Bossy girl started out saying there was no way they agreed to 1000 pesos and were demanding more money.  The cop realized the situation and was thoroughly embarrassed.

They were demanding 50 more USD a piece.  I said “Fuck that, you can take me to jail!”

Even the fat girl started apologizing saying “I’m just here to say what they said, I’ve done that and now I’m leaving” and she took off.

The tough guy kept his mouth shut and stayed in the back.

I asked the cop. “Señor, what would you like us to do”.

“Give them a little more money and I will tell them to leave”.

The other girls were standing there looking uncomfortable but the annoying head hooker wasn’t taking no for an answer either.

We wound up giving her another 2000 pesos total.

“That’s all your getting and not another peso”.

We looked at the cop and turned our palms up as if to say “Look man, this is complete bullshit and we all know it”.

He nodded his head and spoke in rapid commanding Spanish.

We shook hands and he left.  The bossy hooker left scowling and there was some threat about “if we ever went back to PURE”.

As if we would go considering the girls available.

The worst part is that I felt ashamed saying to the cop “Look we never get hookers” and him giving us that look like “Sure you don’t”.

The one thing that made me feel better was meeting up with my waitress from the Italian joint later that day….

But that will be concluded in part 2!

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