Puerta Plata, Dominican Republic Part 2

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Puerta Plata, Dominican Republic

Damn You Hookers

After having been swindled out of 2000 pesos by four hookers I was surprisingly in a good mood.  My blackout hangover had not entirely kicked in yet so I suppose I could thank the vestiges of alcohol that remained in my bloodstream.

It was obvious, this was going to be a “recovery day” which has become pretty routine.  It’s basically a day where absolutely nothing get’s done and going to eat is a small mission.

Unfortenately I had to get my money situation sorted out so I headed over to a nearby Banco Popular thinking that my card would work there.  Of course, it didn’t.  Why would it?  That would be too goddamn convenient on a day where your head feels like it’s 10 times too big and every step is somehow the same as trying to walk on a tightrope through quicksand.

I figured I could get a cash advance from one of the tellers but I also left my passport.  I was extremely “hangry” (hungry + angry) so we all decided to head to La Sirena (sort of  the Walmart of the DR) because we knew we could get some high quality food for a decent price.

I felt every bump the motorcycle hit on the way over.

Once inside La Sirena I noticed they had a Banco Popular there as well.  I learned it was open until 7pm and it was only around 3.

Ok good, I reasoned I could make it back in plenty of time to hit my hotel and pick up my passport, walk over to the Banco Popular nearby and get some money.

The food was pretty standard DR dishes.  It looked great, but as usual, lacked taste. At least I learned my card was still working.  With the way things were going I had a little anxiety that it would just quit at any moment.

I loaded up on some waters and then waited back outside for another motorcycle.

While there I started bullshitting with the guy who seemed in charge of getting taxis for everyone waiting.  He had an obviously fake eye that was ugly.

I presumed that meant most people were afraid to look at him directly, which I did (always do).  I learned his name was Vladimir and he told me about his days off and family.

Seemed like he was genuinely a nice person.  I enjoyed speaking with him even in my hangover state.

I set off for the hotel and grabbed my passport, finally I was going to have some much needed cash in my pockets.

Even though I would have preferred to take a bike to the bank I was out of cash so I had to walk 15 minutes in that sticky, humid heat.

I reasoned it was probably good for me to sweat out all that whiskey and made my way over.

Oh Joy

Of course the motherfucking bank was closed.  Why on earth would it share the same hours as another branch location?

Dominicans can’t work past 4pm, everyone knows that!  Only the ones in La Sirena!

I went to the road and hailed a bike and instructed him to take me all the way back to La Sirena, with no money, and Spanish that was too shitty to let him know I would pay him after I got some cash.  I didn’t want to attempt to explain this because I was certain the only thing he would get was “I don’t have money, but I need a ride”.

We got to La Sirena and I spotted Vladimir patiently directing people and doing his thing.

I walked up to him and told him to tell the motorbike my situation.  He nodded, said “no problem, go inside I will explain”.

That was a small relief.

One of the most frustrating things you will encounter is how fucking slow Dominicans do ANYTHING.  If you look at a Dominican working it’s like watching a slow motion movie.  The ONLY thing they do fast is speak into their phones and misunderstand each other.  Conversations between them are always long, even when explaining simple things.

That includes the banks.

When I arrived there was a line extending outside the door and I tried to stay cool as I watched tellers texting on their phones and fucking around while people waited.

Perhaps even more irritating was noticing how no one seemed to mind this but me.

Finally, I got to the bank teller, said exactly what I needed, and he told me I should use an ATM.  I explained that the ATM wasn’t accepting my card and he asked me “why not”?

I almost cracked a molar as I restrained myself from throttling him to death as I coughed out a “No se” (I don’t know).

How the fuck should I know why my card wasn’t being accepted in your 3rd world, nothing fucking works right anyway, country?

Finally he did what I asked him to do to begin with and I had money again.

I went outside to see Vladimir smiling and waving me over, he had the same guy there and I made my way back to the hotel.

I was tired and needed more rest, I messaged Josefina the waitress and she said she would come see me after work.  I guess I should be happy as normally the recovery day would mean I wouldn’t get anything done.  As a result of running all over the place, I was able to see a large part of Puerta Plata.


Finally something working out, she was going to come straight to my hotel.  Considering her level of hotness and the very little we interacted, I didn’t expect that.

The room hadn’t been cleaned so I straightened it up a little and laid down into blackness for some much needed rest.

I realized how much anxiety I was carrying around by not having quick access to cash and now it was gone.

The AC blew cold comfortable air as I woke up intermittently to drink water.

When I woke up I was feeling hungry again so THC and I walked over to the Italian place to have some food and Vino Tinto.

It had been an even longer period since he had red wine so he was even more stoked.

I teased Josefina for giving me insufficient pours and we had a pretty good late night meal (9ish) and the wine tasted delicious.

Josefina shows up and is happy to see me.  We walk straight to my room, I am surprised again.  “How many times have you done this?” I wonder and my cock is not happy with that thought.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for it but I like there to be a little resistance.

We get inside and she betrays the first signs of nervousness.

Thank God.  She’s not a complete slut at least

We sit and talk, with my translator, her bad English, and my Worse Spanish.

We laugh, tease each other, and just chill out having a nice time.

I find myself really liking her.

When it comes time to kiss it’s natural and nice.  She let’s out an involuntary moan and I think I am starting to get the picture.

She has a kid that’s just over a year old and she hasn’t been with anyone since the father bailed.

She’s shy and a little traumatized from it.

My dick is neutral on this topic but it doesn’t care for the other thoughts I’m having “Is she saying this sob story so that I’ll help her with money?”

Money blessedly doesn’t come up and I cannot get past her LMR defense.

I don’t mind this, in fact, I am relieved by this for some reason.

After the hookers, I appreciate that she won’t sleep with me and isn’t demanding money.

Life’s little gifts I guess.

We make plans to see each other the next night when she get’s off work.

Thanks a lot 20nation

That next morning I’m pretty psyched.  Recovery day was a success, I’ve got a nice date planned for late that evening, and today we are finally doing something that we wanted to check off our list of “must have experiences” in the DR.

We are going to 27 Waterfalls.  It’s a series of naturally formed waterfalls that have deep pools beneath them.  You hike in to the top area and splash your way back to the beginning.

20nation has invited some girls to come along with us.  We are waiting in the lobby when they show up.  Late of course.

I don’t know what I expected, but I did expect 20 to do some kind of vetting on the quality of girls that were coming.

When they show up I can’t help but laugh at the expression on THC’s face.

He’s not happy at all.  20’s girl has a nice body but her face is fucked, the two other girls I don’t know what to think about.

One reminds me of a pack mule and the other has a cute little face but is a little too plump.  I actually would smash her because I can tell she’s young and she has nice tits but her attitude is bitchy.

I try to keep the ball rolling and say “let’s just make the best of this” and start making my way outside.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of being late to shit.  Late to start something.  Missing things because of general ass dragging.  Or in this case, late to make a move because 3 less than up to standard bitches are here. I am not missing this waterfall trip.

I’m guilty of it.  I admit.  But I also feel like I’m the one that is constantly trying to get shit going.

We walk to the end of the street and hail three motorcycles.  We tell them to take us to the bus station.

The passably cute girl grabs my hand and pulls me on behind her on one bike.

I can’t help but laugh at this because by default, THC is riding with the pack mule.  Something I know he is inwardly (and outwardly) very upset about.

While we are riding along our driver has to ask a taxi on which way to go for the correct bus station.  This leads to the taxi offering to drive us there for what I consider to be a pretty cheap price (400 pesos).

The drive takes us about 45 minutes and the whole way THC is fuming.  At first I am making fun of him and “his” girl but pretty soon he’s so pissed I just drop it.

When we show up we find out that we have to pay a little more than we expected.

It’s 300 pesos per person.  The girls are not even pretending to reach into their purses.  We also have to rent shoes for them.

We are not hiding our reluctance to pay for their bullshit.

I am getting fucking irritated because now we have more assdragging going on.

My attitude is “this is our situation, we need to accept it and drive on”.  Pay the measly fucking 600 pesos and let’s be on our way.

I walk up and pay “my” girl’s fee.

20 is dragging his ass and THC is outright refusing to pay for the pack mule.

I am not being held back from doing something besides drinking and fucking off my whole time in the DR by a goddamn pack mule so I shell out the money for her too, in what I consider to be a very graceful way.

“Here chica, go get your ticket” I say with a pleasant smile.

She takes my money, doesn’t smile, doesn’t say thank you, and waddles over to the counter.

I almost crack my other molar.

Now I am pissed.  THC is pissed.  And 20 seems oblivious which is pissing me off even more.

We talk to a guide that agrees to take photos and videos of us while we are doing our thing (good for the video data sheet) and that saves us money we don’t have now because it’s 45 USD to have someone do that with their service.

Our group starts off and none of us are happy.

Great start right?

I haven’t worked out in days so THC and I start doing an improvised workout.

We start sprinting up the trails ahead of the guides.  Hitting dips on the corners of fences, elevated pushups on rocks, and pull-ups on tree branches.

I grab a big ass rock and carry it overhead, sweating and breathing loud.  I look back and see THC pick one up too.

The guides think we are crazy.

The girls are forgetting we resent them and are laughing at us.

We are actually having fun with this and we are getting a good fucking workout in.

At one point, two of the girls (not the pack mule) try to do elevated pushups off a bench along the way.  It’s pretty funny and we get it on video.

It must be said that the area is beautiful.  The trees are huge and looming over, the air smells so clean and fresh.

It’s a nice break from the normal stifling pollution found in the DR.

We finally show up huffing and puffing to the first waterfall.  Because we were late, we are only able to do 12 waterfalls instead of the full 27.

The first “waterfall” is not much more than a trickle we walk around but the 2nd, is pretty high up and you have to be careful about where you jump.

For some unknown reason “my” girl thinks she is going to go first and walks in front of us.

Of course she chickens out and I quickly take her place and before I can leap off, the guide gives me the expert advice “not to jump too far” and points at the rock face in front of me on the other side.

I roll my eyes and leap off without hesitation.  This shit is like childs play compared to what I jumped off of in Boracay.

And so we go on and on in this manner.  We all jump off, splash around taking photos and standing on dangerous shit worrying the guides.

We have to tell them not to bother wasting our memory on the girls because honestly, we don’t give a flying fuck about them.

It’s a good time and I highly recommend it.

We get back to the reception area and we are all extremely “hangry” again.  There is a place to buy food but we don’t know for sure if we can afford to get home with the cash we have left.  So it sits there taunting us with it’s gringo priced beer and sandwiches.

We walk down the gravel road towards the main highway and the front desk girl of the reception area drives up next to me.

I had been flirting with her and she spoke perfect English.  I had made it a point during that time to make sure there was plausible deniability about whether I was actually there with any of those girls.

When she drove up she stopped and asked if I needed a ride.  She was driving a tiny car and already had some girl in the passenger seat so her only reason for stopping had to be just to talk as there was no way we could begin to all fit in there.

I spoke with her briefly and smiled but really didn’t know how I could proceed from here.

She drives away and I look back at “my” girl and have a deep feeling of disgust.

The reception girl was beautiful, slim, spoke perfect English, and was positive random for me as well.


Ah well I thought.

We arrived at the main road and the waiting began.  Apparently at some point there would be a bus we could jump on which would take us back into town.

“My” girl leaned back against me and I put a comforting arm around here.

At this moment the reception girl drove back by again and beeped her horn, looking dead at me with my arm draped around a girl she must surely have been in bewilderment about me touching.

Double Goddamnit.

The bus finally showed up and we got on.

Once again, the girls didn’t so much as reach for their purses to pay for themselves.

I think THC almost threw them off the bus.

I know I did.  Instead I felt my girls tits in the back when no one was looking.  They were actually pretty nice.

When we got into town we quickly got off.  The girls seemed to expect us to take them for food and we said we had to be leaving.

The pack mule had an especially sour look on her face and I was very happy to be separating ourselves.

We hit La Sirena for some food and we all agreed that I shouldn’t take the total hit for the pack mule’s entrance fee so 20 and THC both handed me 100 pesos and that made me feel a lot better about the total costs of the trip.

I ate myself into a food coma and crashed out in my bed for several hours.


The one thing I was looking forward to was seeing Josefina and when she finally showed up, she was fine with staying in.

I had expected her to want to go out, but she wanted to just chill.

This time there was zero LMR.  Sex with her was great and sensual.  Despite her having a baby she was tight and responsive.

The only thing disappointing about her was that she didn’t want to have sex doggy style.  I think she considered it “slutty” or something.

I was forced to admire that epic ass from angles that did not lend the best view.

C’est la vie, it was still my favorite bang to date.  No digital memories for her as I wouldn’t feel right about it.

The next day we decided to head to Santiago.  I told her I would see her again soon but it never happened.

I really regret that.  She was a good girl and only wanted to feel close to me.

When I think about how she probably sadly looks down when she thinks about me it bums me out.

This is the bad part of traveling this way.

To Be Cont’d…..









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