How to Talk to Girls – A guide on how to have a conversation
Here is a guide that will teach you how to talk to girls. I go over all the basics so that you can have a deeper understanding of how the conversations should ideally go.
The Basics of Conversation
Now that you have set up a date, you will want to understand the idea and flow of conversations, what the purpose of a conversation is, the things you want to do and the things you do not want to do.
The purpose of what you talk about
The idea of a conversation is to build attraction and make a connection. By building attraction you will make her entertain the idea of a relationship with you, by building a connection you will make her comfortable enough with you to give you a shot at seducing her.
The first purpose, building attraction, is necessary before anything else can be done. She will have no desire to try to make a connection with you if she isn’t first attracted to you. So make sure this is the first thing you are focusing on.
Mention yourself in the best light
Phrase your job, lifestyle, and other common conversational topics in the best possible way. You want her to see your job in an attractive way. For example, if you were a teacher, you don’t want to say anything like:
“I know it doesn’t pay well but…”
You want to say something more like this:
“I shape the young minds of the future. It’s a challenge, but I love it.”
Few women will fault a guy for doing what he is passionate about over doing what pays the best.
Another route you can go when describing your career is to be very vague. For example, if you are an accountant, you can say:
“Let’s just say I use mathematic algorithms to make money.”
This will intrigue her and make her probe you more for what you do. The more mysterious you make it sound, the more curious she will become. You haven’t lied to her, you have just framed your job as mysterious. If she keeps pushing for it just smile and change the subject.
Building a connection
The other purpose of a conversation is to build a connection. To build a connection, you want to do what you can to relate to her. There are two important things to remember when building a connection. The first is the actual building of the connection and the second is making sure you don’t tear any of it down.
Don’t be weird
I have watched so many guys in my life act weird and random because it made girls laugh. Yeah, they are laughing at you, but no, you will not be hooking up with them any time soon. They are laughing because it’s strange and fascinating. This will kill attraction that she already felt towards you. One of the biggest things a girl wants to know about you is if you are a normal, healthy human being.
If you don’t want to tear down a connection you have with a girl you want to make sure not to argue over un-important details. You won’t always agree with what she believes about lifestyle, music, politics, or religion. You can say you don’t like it, but NEVER argue over it. This is a trap that a lot of beginners fall into. The only way you could get away with it is if you frame it in a fun, teasing way, but really it should be clear you don’t really care if she is right or not because you are just having fun.
Try to stay away from controversial subjects
It is very easy to start talking about religion or politics, but many people can be offended by your point of view. Most books will advise you never to talk about them, but I think it’s ridiculous to try to limit such huge subjects. The idea is not to get serious about talking about them.
Think about it like this: Ok, now I know she’s Catholic. No Jesus jokes. Then you can say something funny like: “When I was a kid my best friend was Catholic and he used to always talk about Mary, for years I thought she was his aunt or cousin. I was wrong.” Don’t limit yourself by not talking about it, but just make sure not to make fun of something that may be important to her, whether her religion or her stance on abortion. Avoid confrontation in these areas at all cost, don’t let your conversation spend much time on this and you will do just fine.
Depending on the type of girl, you can also lose the girl by mentioning sexual things too early. However, if you can read what type of girl she is, it can mean very little work for sex. If you can’t read the types of women yet, your best bet is to just hold off on mentioning sex until she is obviously into you. In fact, since I go for a lot of good girls, I will usually not mention it until we are back at my place. This way they will not refuse to come thinking they know what will happen. It will give you more of an opportunity to get her.
Don’t act like you never get complimented
When a girl compliments you on something or hints that something about you is impressive, don’t make it into a big deal. You should act like it’s something that is said to you all the time. For example if a girl compliments your eyes, don’t say
“Oh, you really think so? Nobody has ever noticed.” Then, obviously, don’t try to bring more attention to your eyes and show more eye contact.
At the same time you don’t want to be arrogant and say
“I get that a lot…”
What you want to do is smile and say “Thanks.” Then, move onto something else. Don’t continue talking about how pretty your eyes are because that’s what people will do when it’s something they haven’t been complimented on very often. You want to be seen as a guy who gets lots of compliments.
Matching her vibe
There are certain moments in a conversation when a girl may try to start joking with you. If you refuse to joke back, you will effectively tear down a bit of rapport. If you start joking with her and matching her vibe, you will build it. She may also do this by whispering to you, you don’t want to break her vibe and start yelling, you want to whisper right back.
Always be positive
Look at everything in a positive way. Being negative will actually put you, and her, into a bad mood.
Imagine a guy and a girl sitting across from each other eating dinner, she is hitting him on the arm and laughing. Then, out of nowhere, he brings up how he just hates this restaurant. The girl noticeably changes, as she looks around, she may even agree with him, but she has went from happy to slightly uncomfortable just from that comment.
It is fine to ask questions, in fact it is normal. However, you don’t want to be asking so many questions that it feels like an interview. This will show your hand; it will show that you are really interested in her and if you show your hand too early, it makes it easier to lose. Ideally you want her to be asking more questions about you than you are about her, this is a signal that she is interested in you.
Don’t try to entertain her
You never want to look like you are trying to win her approval. You want to look like you are there to enjoy yourself, not to make sure she is having a good time.
Imagine that you are in the shoes of a guy like a young Brad Pitt. He has it all, money, fame, looks and flawless body language. If a girl is lucky enough to go on a date with you, why would you be worrying about her having a good time? You went on the date so that you would have a good time and that’s how your conversation should be focused. Brad Pitt would never be “worried” if his date is having a good time and neither should you.
You want to stay entertaining yourself by teasing her and laughing, but in a fun way, not a mean way. Don’t just talk about what she wants to talk about, talk about what you want to talk about. If you want to see a movie let her know, don’t just go see whatever she wants.
Talking to a girl is not about impressing her, it’s about having a good time. If you understand that talking to women is really about just having a good time, you will be amazed at how differently they will see and treat you.
Keeping it light and fun
Don’t be too serious with her. Serious is boring and no woman wants a boring man. Even ‘Serious type’ ladies men like James Bond aren’t always serious. This is not a concept you want to forget. Throw in a few jokes and teases here and there to show her you are a fun guy who doesn’t take life too seriously. Just remember not to be her clown.
Making the basic conversation questions more fun
There are the typical things that almost every conversation will have and you and the girl have both said and heard them hundreds of times. The good news is you can memorize a few funny replies and use them all the time since these questions will always come up. You can raise her attraction for you with these replies and give off a fun vibe.
“How old are you?”
“How old do I look?” You reply.
“Waaaaay off. I’m 16.” This is absolutely ridiculous because you are actually 32 years old. She may look at you again and say:
Give her a cocky smile and you can either tell her your age or keep playing the game.
“It’s true. Oh I forgot to tell you, my bed time is 9, so if you could get me home by then… that would be perfect.”
The idea is to keep getting more and more outrageous. She may end up playing along. Then you have successfully turned “How old are you?” into a fun game.
“What do you do?”
“I’m a lizard hunter… It’s dangerous work, but somebody has to do it.”
“I wax dolphins. Most people don’t know that dolphins need waxing.”
Saying anything ridiculous will do. If she believes you, you can tease her about it. If she doesn’t believe you, she will probably laugh. You have just turned a boring interview question into something fun.
“What did you study?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I could tell you, but I would have to kill you.”
“Lots of exciting stuff like… lying in bed sometimes… sometimes I shower. I live a very adventurous life.”
The idea is not to take any of these questions seriously. As previously mentioned, make the conversation light and fun. However, one warning, do not do this the entire conversation. It will hinder a connection and make you seem like a goof ball. Just throw in some humor every little bit so she will see you as fun.
Summary on how to talk to girls
Now that you have some of your questions answered on how to talk to girls, I want to make sure you remember the important things about a conversation, here is a quick review.
- The purpose – The purpose of a conversation is to build attraction and make her comfortable with you. After you have those things down, you should be able to take it to seduction.
- Build attraction – To build attraction, you want to show and mention positive things about you.
- Mention attractive traits – You can mention any attractive trait by masking it with a funny story or relating it to the conversation.
- Show attractive traits – You can show attractive traits by putting yourself in a situation to show them off.
- Mention yourself in the best light – You want to mention all the details about yourself in the best possible way.
- Build a connection – The second purpose of a conversation is to build a connection.
- Don’t be weird – Being weird might make a girl laugh or make you unique, but it won’t make her more attracted to you.
- Don’t argue – Arguing with a girl can only tear down the connection and, possibly, the attraction that you have already created.
- Try to stay away from controversial subjects – If you get into a heated discussion concerning politics, religion and, sometimes, sex, then it can ruin your conversation very easily; it’s like playing with fire.
- Don’t act like you never get compliments – If you get a compliment, don’t make it a big deal, act like it’s something people say all the time.
- Match her vibe – Part of making her comfortable is to get on the same conversational wavelength with her. If she is getting very serious by sharing something personal with you, share back, don’t waste the moment.
- Questions – Questions are not necessarily a bad thing, but they can be if your conversation turns into an interview.
- Don’t try to entertain her – It doesn’t matter how funny you are, if it seems like you are making jokes just to entertain her, it will kill attraction.
- Keep it light and fun – Serious is boring and no girl wants a guy who doesn’t know how to have a little fun.
- Making the basics of conversation more fun – The tips to common questions that you can turn around into a fun game.
One of the most important parts of being able to have a good conversation is understanding how a conversation works. From reading this chapter you should now have an idea. After reading the next few chapters, your understanding will become much deeper.
You can win any girl by knowing what to say
If you aren’t having great success when talking with girls, it’s worth learning more. There is a lot more to learn about conversations that wasn’t covered; this was just a chapter from my book “The Perfect Conversation“. In this book you can learn everything to say from the first moment you talk to the girl all the way up until you are in bed with her. If you want to get the book in a deal, you can buy all my books here for 60% off (just $27.99).