How to cheat on your girlfriend
Humans are not monogamous by nature so being in a monogamous relationship can be a big challenge. We can stay loyal too out of love and respect, but it’s important to face reality as well. In my dating life I have tried different options:
- Staying loyal and suppressing these urges, ignoring my true nature. This lead me to feel miserable and soon enough it negatively impacted the relationship as well.
- Giving in to the urges while I was in a relationship, which brought on a constant risk of being caught and hurting my girlfriend’s feelings.
Now I don’t look for “relationships” anymore. If I have short term relationships, I’m always upfront to the girl as to what I expect from them and what they can expect from me. In this setup there is no need for cheating. But if having a relationship is important to you, I believe in some situations cheating on your girlfriend can actually help your relationship.
But if you are going to cheat on your girlfriend, you better do it right. Here are some tips on how to cheat on your girlfriend. You can also flip these tips around and they will help you to recognize the signs of a cheating girlfriend…
Mistake #1 : Changing your habits
The number one reason people get caught is because they change their habits. This is also the hardest to hide from your partner because you might be changing some of your habits without realizing it. So pay extra attention not to break any patterns in your behavior. Your girlfriend will notice!
Your grooming habits
If you never cared about your hair, don’t start spending more time about your look.
Your phone habits
If you’ve always been careless about your phone and now you’re terrified to leave it on the kitchen table while you’re taking a piss. A guarantee to raise suspicion with your girlfriend. You should have been very private with your phone from the start. Always keep your phone on silent and always lock it (with a password). Always keep your phone in your pocket or next to you when you go to sleep.
If this hasn’t been your habit, it will be easy for your girlfriend to notice when you are worried about unexpected calls or messages. Consider getting a new phone just for your secret communications. Get a cheap model and leave it in your car or at work; only turn it on when you need to, this way you don’t have to worry about your real phone. You can remain careless with it and when your girlfriend searches your phone she won’t find anything discriminating.
Your sex life
Women will especially look for signs of a cheating boyfriend by investigating your love life. Try to keep your love life as constant as possible. Don’t give her less sex but also don’t try to overcompensate by smashing her more or differently. Having one or more girlfriends on the side will actually increase your sex drive; but keep things as constant as can be with your girlfriend.
Your other girls will do things differently, like things differently, and you may even learn a new trick but don’t try out your new sex skills on your girlfriend.
Mistake #2: Too detailed / improvised alibis
It’s a cliche but working late works great as an alibi: You’re working hard for your job and career, you can’t be blamed for that right? But if it’s unusual for your specific profession to all of the sudden start working late, “going out with the boys” can work as well.
It is best if you have specific close friend that can vouch for you. But be careful who you trust and make sure your stories are always aligned. I always had one friend I could use in my alibis, he would always vouch for me.
Keep your stories simple. Be vague and avoid as many details as possible, the more details you lie about the more likely you’ll get caught. YOU won’t remember these details but you can be sure SHE will. Women are like living tape recorders, especially for things that can be used against you.
The less specific your alibi the better, always keep your stories flexible so you won’t have to remember details and there’s room for interpretation. “Having a beer with my friend” can mean anything from a poker night to going clubbing in another town.
Mistake #3: Leaving digital traces
Another huge way to get yourself caught is by not erasing all possible digital evidence. I don’t care how hot that sexting-session was, or how romantic the email your other girl sent: Delete everything.
Delete her text messages, delete her emails, delete her pictures and clear your browser history if you have been chatting with her online. Use a separate browser for such activities, i.e. if you always use Chrome, use Firefox for chatting and mailing with her, so it’s not obvious you have erased the browser history. This tip also works great for watching porn 😉
To be even more safe, use a computer only you can access, i.e. your laptop from work.
Should your girlfriend (or wife) have access to your bank statements, make sure you pay in cash for all your expenses that will conflict with your alibi.
Never, ever, EVER give your girlfriend access to your cell phone, email or Facebook account. I know some couples do this, but that’s just a horrible, horrible idea. Don’t get tricked into doing this. You could try to create a fake Facebook account, but that requires a lot of work, a fake email address is more easy.
Mistake #4: Leaving physical traces
Obviously you will try your best of not leaving any physical evidence but women are very good at spotting the tiniest of details so there’s no margin for error.
Girls leave souvenirs
If you can avoid it, don’t bring your new girl to your own place. You will need eagle eyes to make sure she doesn’t leave any traces, and many girls will instinctively try to leave their mark. They will always “forget” an earring or a hairpin, make sure she has all the jewelry on she came in with.
Sweep the whole room for left behind stuff, especially hairs. Vacuum clean your your bed and air out the room and your bed sheets. One hair is all it takes and if you don’t have a cleaning lady to blame it on, it’s a tough one to explain. Women are experts at identifying hairs that don’t belong to them, they can identify 20 types of hair from a distance in a candlelit room.
A smelly affair
Almost equally developed as a woman’s hair identifying skills is her nose for other women’s perfume. If your mistress was at your place, open the windows and air it out, put your perfume on places where she might have left a bigger smell-print, like your couch or bed.
Your mistress’ perfume may have transferred to your clothes, so always change cloths before you see your girlfriend again. Keep a small version of your own perfume in your car so you can apply it vigorously in case you didn’t get the chance to change your clothes.
The hot new girl you are seeing may inspire a lot of passion, but always keep alert never to get a hickey or scratch marks… While you might be able to hide some scratches on your back for a few days, no girlfriend in the world is going to believe you got hit by a baseball in your neck. If you get a hickey, you’re in big trouble. For bruises it may help if you are doing martial arts to explain them.
You might not only be trying to hide your girlfriend from your mistress, you may also be trying to hide your girlfriend from her. If you do this, you may be hiding pictures of your girlfriend at your place or the second toothbrush in your bathroom. If you’re hiding your girlfriend’s presence, never forget to put these items back in place.
My quick thinking skills were once pushed to the limit when my girlfriend came back and she couldn’t find her toothbrush anymore.
Mistake #5: Admitting / Feeling guilty
Another piece of advice if you want to know how to cheat on your girlfriend: Always deny, never admit.
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me kissin’ on the sofa (It wasn’t me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn’t me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn’t me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn’t me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn’t me)
Heard the scream get louder (It wasn’t me)
She stayed until it was over
Unless you are caught red handed, with your dick in her pussy, always deny.
If you want to hold on to your relationship, never admit to cheating. It will destroy your relationship, no exceptions. Once her trust is gone it will never be the same as before. Maybe you can work things out, but this issue will always be present; for ever. Even if you stop cheating and decide to be monogamous she will still remain suspicious.
It’s better to leave her with some plausible deniability. If she really cares about you and the relationship, as long as she has plausible deniability, she will make herself wanting to believe you. Once you take that away from her, that ship has sailed and you will have to deal with reality. In my personal experience it’s best to break things off when you get caught. It will take a lot of “work at the relationship” to end up with a “light-version” of the original relationship at best.
Love and emotions can get very intense, if your girlfriend finds out you are cheating on her it will really hurt her. If you get caught by her friends that will even hurt her more, because not only has she been cheated on, her friends were the first to know about it.
So if cheating is the path you choose, avoid these top 5 mistakes and make sure you don’t get caught!