Will casual sex ultimately make me happy?
#1
I'm a 32-year-old man who wasted much of his 20s in a state of depression and anxiety, watching too much porn and avoiding my problems. I have only had sex with two women, both of whom I was in relationships with. First girl, I got with her when I was 18 and broke up at 21. Second girl, we got together when I was 25 until just a couple of weeks ago. 

I have always had this idea that fucking lots of different women is what will ultimately make me happy. My terrible self-esteem in my 20s meant that I never took the necessary action for that to happen. I got sloppy drunk a few times and got myself into a position where a hookup would've been on the cards, but being so drunk meant my dick didn't work and I didn't even try. I lack a certain ruthlessness/dominance because my Dad is, to be honest, a submissive beta, and I invariably inherited that trait. 

I guess I am wondering is there a natural ceiling to how good it feels to sleep around? At 32, time is running out to make it happen. Part of me thinks I might be in for a rude awakening when I realize I still feel a certain emptiness regardless of my lay count. The other part of me is obsessed with this idea of increasing my lay count and having commitment-free sex with lots of women. Just looking for some hard-hitting truths here: am I overvaluing this idea of sleeping with multiple women or is it truly as fulfilling as I imagine it to be?
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#2
I used to think that increasing my notch count was making me fulfilled, but it mostly was just stroking my ego. I've had enough casual sex hat it's no longer something I seek. I still prefer casual sex than having no sex, so I don't complain when I have a one night stand with a new girl
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#3
Don't be dependent on women as the source of your happiness.

Women can see through that shit
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#4
New pussy isn't the anti depressant its made out to be in the manosphere.

You'll be in for a rude awakening if you think getting a lot of notches on its own will make your life fabulous.

I went through that and was still depressed lol.
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#5
No.  Your issues seem far deeper than lacking casual sex which would give you fleeting periods of quick satisfaction at best.

Work on achieving your mission and become the best version of yourself.  Then you’ll be happy.  And by the way, at 32 you have 25 years or more to slay.
Have you ever noticed it is your haters who obsessively read your every post, comment on them with the most emotion, and expend so much energy desperately trying to engage you?  It's because haters are your greatest, most loyal, and dedicated fans; they just have not come to terms with it yet.  Enjoy them because they are the surest sign that you're slaying it in life!  Big Grin
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#6
My troll meter went off a bit between the notch count at 32 and the beta father but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt....

(11-03-2020, 12:03 PM)irishguy Wrote: I guess I am wondering is there a natural ceiling to how good it feels to sleep around? At 32, time is running out to make it happen. Part of me thinks I might be in for a rude awakening when I realize I still feel a certain emptiness regardless of my lay count. The other part of me is obsessed with this idea of increasing my lay count and having commitment-free sex with lots of women. Just looking for some hard-hitting truths here: am I overvaluing this idea of sleeping with multiple women or is it truly as fulfilling as I imagine it to be?

I suspect your problems lie elsewhere, you should research whatever you feel and take steps to resolve it. 

Though increasing your notch count can't hurt (if done safely lol), it will make you feel better about yourself as a man. 

Now there's a point where too much casual random sex becomes counter productive. You become desensitized to it and damage your ability to pair bond even with the best quality chicks. 

That sweet spot is different for everyone and you're still very far from it. So don't worry about it until you reach the several dozens or hundreds. Then you can start a new thread (if you're still not banned Wink )
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#7
No, it won't. It's a fun pasttime at best. I get back on Tinder and hook up with some girls like once a year. I get burned out with work around the summer and usually need to relax. It's a good mental refresh for me. I'll usually be in the game for a month or two and then just go back to living my life. I'm pretty busy and don't have time to be constantly chasing women.

It's a foundational part of a man's confidence to have sex but only cause it makes you realize that you ultimately don't need it. I'm basically celibate for most of the year. It's good for me because it helps me focus and enjoy more meaningful parts of my life.
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#8
(11-03-2020, 12:03 PM)irishguy Wrote: avoiding my problems

Fixing this will make you happy and also get you more casual sex.
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#9
Simply getting x amount of bangs is not going to make your issues disappear, they will still be there after. However it is fun to bang new girls but thats it just some fun, don't look at it as something that is going to transform your life.
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#10
(11-03-2020, 08:06 PM)Augie March Wrote: Don't be dependent on women as the source of your happiness.

Women can see through that shit

This. 

(11-03-2020, 08:30 PM)Contrarian Expatriate Wrote: No.  Your issues seem far deeper than lacking casual sex which would give you fleeting periods of quick satisfaction at best.

Work on achieving your mission and become the best version of yourself.  Then you’ll be happy.  And by the way, at 32 you have 25 years or more to slay.

And this. You won't get any better advice than what those two guys are offering.
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#11
In my opinion, it depends on the kind of guy you are, and what stage of development you are in. Given that you were in two relationships for that long, it leads me to believe that you're a guy who watches movies with a man and woman staring deeply into each other's eyes, while wearing Christmas sweaters, sitting in a cozy living room near a fireplace, sipping on hot chocolate together, enjoying each other's company, just a cozy, quiet, love-filled Christmas. A guy like you sees that, and longs for a deep, meaningful relationship, and wants the stability, long-lasting characteristics of marriage, deep connection, family, etc.

I'm not going to lie, I've seen some of those movies and, as I get older (30 now), I do feel more of a desire to experience this kind of life. For most of my youth, it seemed lame and boring, and unreachable anyway, for somebody like me. But the older I get, I now do see the value in having a perfect hot wife, great kids who respect you and make you proud, the stable family life, comfortable house in the suburbs, etc.

But if you've ever seen movies The Wolf of Wall Street, Goodfellas, American Psycho, Scarface, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and you dream about what life would be like with that excess, having money, possessions, riches, wealth, women beyond your wildest dreams. What it would be like to be a high ranking member of the Medellin cartel in the 1980s under Pablo Escobar, getting any or as many woman as you want, buying any car that you want, you can kick anybody's ass who annoys you, or even wipe them out of existence for disrespecting you, if you so desire. All the power, hedonism, and wealth you could imagine. If you watch movies like that, and on some level fantasize what life would be like to be Tony Soprano, or Patrick Bateman, or Don Draper: a kick ass alpha male at the top of the food chain, who all the women desire... Then you might still enjoy the odd occasional trip to SEA, and experiencing this lifestyle on some level, for a limited period of time. You don't have to life your entire life this way, or live this way full time. But you can look at it like: You are a responsible, tax-paying, hard-working citizen, for the majority of the year, but for a few weeks on holiday, you are like Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo, where you go into Las Vegas (or wherever your destination is) where they've been assigned to cover a sporting event for a magazine, but they decide to also use the trip as an excuse to indulge in all of their hedonistic desires, and experience life at a level where most men dream of, but do not have the courage to pursue...

Admittedly, I have a problem with feeling guilt with treating random women badly, or fucking and chucking women like many guys here, and on the former RVF, feel pride in doing. At my age, I am no longer able to go on epic bang trips, where I rampage through a high number of random women, and feel proud of myself for doing so. If you feel this way, don't feel bad; this is a natural progression for many men, where they change from seeking the poosy paradise in terms of easiness and quantity. To when they are older, now seeking more mature, dignified, quality women, and more meaningful connections. They might still like multiple women, but older men usually seek a good connection, with even their shorter term relationships. They don't only want just drunken, sloppy hookups, but rather, the great sex that comes with getting to know your partner kinks better, over several sessions. As opposed to just seeking the bang for the notch to get the ego boost.

I still travel, I still bang multiple women when I travel, but I always try to treat them well, bang them multiple times, and develop some kind of connection with them. I like to feel that the women who I have been with, are better people for having been with me, or at the very least, they have greatly enjoyed the time that they had: a wild, exciting fling with an exotic attractive foreigner, and they will remember that happy, positive experience forever. <--These statements sound like I'm boasting about myself, but really, it's a mentality which I try to have, for me to remember to treat everyone around me well, and try my best to give each woman I spend time with; the absolute time of her life, when they are with me. That means lots of laughs, a great night out, delicious food during dinner, me being a pleasant, a gentlemen, yet at the same time, a masculine man who you feel comfortable and safe to be around, great sex, an all-around great time, and a great memory for her. This is easy when you are traveling, because you have an built-in excuse for ending the relationship, since you don't live there and the interaction can't last forever. And yes, I did develop some feelings for many of the women I have banged during trips. Not enough to want to import them into my country for marriage and children or anything like that. But I certainly did NOT have the typical player/jock/fratboy mentality, the "fuck and chuck" mentality, where I felt cool for having sex with a woman and then treating her like garbage afterwards. I still like to bang several women; I'd just rather treat them respect throughout the entire interaction. It makes me feel good to be good to people.

In short, do what you want to do. If you fly to Thailand or The Philippines and you bang a chick from a bar 30 minutes after meeting her, and you feel gross about it the next morning, then there's your answer. You can refrain from doing more of it, and just enjoy the culture of Thailand, visit temples and make friends with locals, absorb the culture for the rest of your trip. And still have traveling memories for a lifetime. Or, if you felt great excitement of scoring a new conquest, having finally experienced making sweet love to a (insert race or ethnicity of your preference) woman, then you can continue to do so for the entire trip. Or, you can continue to bang the same girl you met on the first night, and create lifelong memories for the both of you, from the time you each hooked up with an exotic foreigner and had amazing, spontaneous, exciting sex. 

So my advice, give it a try, and judging on how you feel afterwards, there you will find your answer. But remember, there is not only the extremes of:

A. Young horny guy who just wants to fuck everything that walks and wants to rack up numbers, dive balls deep into hedonism
B. Older more mature man who is ready to meet his wife to spend the rest of his life with her

There are some places in between, where I am, and I believe you might be in. I hope this post helps. Good luck.
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#12
Thanks for the honest replies so far gents. To the replies that highlighted I have far deeper issues than lay count to work on, I fully agree. A big problem is that I feel such resentment about my wasted 20s, though. In my mind, for the vast majority of men, your 20s is the most fun decade of life where you do the majority of your sleeping around. I'd wager maybe 1% of people have as bad of a time of in their 20s mentally as I did. I was skinny fat, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, introverted as fuck for the entire decade. 

My 20s were mostly a total fuck-up due to avoiding my mental health issues or numbing them with porn and alcohol. It's hard to not be bitter about that; many of my issues stem from factors outside of my control, in particular, a sub-optimal family environment growing up. My coping mechanisms were wrong and I take responsibility for that. I am trying to work on those coping issues. I drink less, I've stopped watching porn, and I am lifting while cutting weight to get rid of some fat around the waist. 

I don't know what my mission is or what the best version of myself to aspire to is. I've travelled quite a surprising amount for someone with my issues. I've been to SE Asia a few times but I developed oneitis and ended up just staying with the same girl all the time (she's actually the second girl I referred to when I discussed my two previous relationships). My low self-esteem is partly why I stayed with the same girl; it was convenient and easy to just keep going back to the same woman. I've been to other cool destinations that I really enjoyed (Budapest, Saigon, Wroclaw) but I honestly spent 99% of my time exploring them alone due to the aforementioned high levels of introversion and social anxiety.

Career-wise, I earn some money freelance writing online and I've worked that way for the last 4 years, but my earnings are pretty terrible: I'm talking max $2k per month. Part of that is again not having the self-esteem to charge more and part is being too lazy/depressed to go and find more clients. I have a good degree in something called actuarial science, but a year spent working in that industry made me realize I had no actual desire to be an actuary (you need to do tons of tough exams after college). 

So yeah, I guess that's a bit more about me and my fucked up background. I am here mostly to become a better version of myself. In my mind, that aim can be achieved through fucking more women, but I appreciate the dose of realism here.
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#13
No.

“Happy” is a moving target, but even “satisfaction” won’t come from women.

In my experience, satisfaction with life comes from having meaningful purpose.
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#14
The only thing better than blasting in a new woman every night is blasting in two! Good for you, good for them. You can always shack up with someone as well, in order to enjoy relationship stuff while you get a continuous supply of fresh meat on the side.

You can have this conversation "What babe you don't want to have sex tonight, you just want to cuddle? Sure whatever you want because I am feeling drained myself." and this conversation "What babe you don't have time to cuddle because you have to jet because your husband is waiting at home in a sexless marriage that you cannot leave because of your mortgage and children? That's fine babe run home with my cum rolling down your leg, I understand."

Yeah! We can all be happy! Several times a day! Because when you're 50 you need two 25's to be equal!
I be nutting in these bitches!
https://youtu.be/ixCrLAgk4YI
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#15
Yes, it will. Because what women want from men - to be confident, to have a mission, to be in shape, to dress well, speak well, think on your feet, etc - are all things that are good for you in all aspects of your life.

If the prospect of casual sex gets you to the gym everyday, do it. If the prospect of casual sex makes you read about changing your beta mindset, do it. If the prospect of casual sex motivates you to get a passport and an airline ticket do it.

Your entire life will benefit from the things women are looking for in a one night stand.
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#16
(11-04-2020, 06:55 AM)rubix Wrote: [epic post]

I'm kinda in this mindset right now. Just basically "What happens in [x], stays in [x]". Or as a saying here goes: "A honey in every town".

I don't think casual sex will make you happy in some kind of direct causal way, like: casual sex --> happiness all the time, every time. But it can be a certain itch that you need to scratch. Or something that you need to get over with before you move on, because you haven't been able to enjoy it at the age when you "should have". If you feel you've robbed yourself of a certain experience in the past, but you're in a position to get it now, why not go for it?

Can be anything, whether sexual conquest or travelling around the world or anything else. Will it confer capital-H Happiness? No, but is that relevant? Once you come back from your odyssey (around the world in 80 girls, whatever) your life will still be the same, your income and career, etc. so there will be no bliss waiting for you. But maybe it'll give you the necessary kick up the ass to speed things along. Once you start rising above mediocrity, you tend to enjoy it and want to stay there.
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#17
(11-03-2020, 08:29 PM)norteamericano Wrote: New pussy isn't the anti depressant its made out to be in the manosphere.

You'll be in for a rude awakening if you think getting a lot of notches on its own will make your life fabulous.

I went through that and was still depressed lol.

Exactly.  I hear about rock stars, rappers, ball players, actors that can bed a new girl almost every night if they want to, and some of them still seem depressed.  Heh.  The ones that truly love their craft & less drowning in drugs & other stuff (toxic pussy, not good fulfilling pussy) seem to be better off.

And now the one & only Dan Bilzerian will have to figure something out quick with his empire crumbling. I wish him the best though. I'm not the type to wish ill on a public figure that never wronged me personally.

This Colombian singer J Balvin is a global star & he is saying he is depressed:

https://pagesix.com/2020/11/04/j-balvin-...1599824271
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#18
(11-04-2020, 04:45 PM)jordypip23 Wrote:
(11-03-2020, 08:29 PM)norteamericano Wrote: New pussy isn't the anti depressant its made out to be in the manosphere.

You'll be in for a rude awakening if you think getting a lot of notches on its own will make your life fabulous.

I went through that and was still depressed lol.

Exactly.  I hear about rock stars, rappers, ball players, actors that can bed a new girl almost every night if they want to, and some of them still seem depressed.  Heh.  The ones that truly love their craft & less drowning in drugs & other stuff (toxic pussy, not good fulfilling pussy) seem to be better off.

And now the one & only Dan Bilzerian will have to figure something out quick with his empire crumbling.  I wish him the best though.  I'm not the type to wish ill on a public figure that never wronged me personally.

This Colombian singer J Balvin is a global star & he is saying he is depressed:

https://pagesix.com/2020/11/04/j-balvin-...1599824271
It isn't banging a chick every night that makes rock stars depressed. Banging a new chick every night is a rush. I highly recommend. Don't worry, it won't make you depressed. What's depressing is if you have to do something mundane like go to the office the next day and put up with bs from some assholes when you would prefer to reminisce about your conquests.
I be nutting in these bitches!
https://youtu.be/ixCrLAgk4YI
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#19
(11-04-2020, 08:12 PM)Mister Happy Wrote:
(11-04-2020, 04:45 PM)jordypip23 Wrote:
(11-03-2020, 08:29 PM)norteamericano Wrote: New pussy isn't the anti depressant its made out to be in the manosphere.

You'll be in for a rude awakening if you think getting a lot of notches on its own will make your life fabulous.

I went through that and was still depressed lol.

Exactly.  I hear about rock stars, rappers, ball players, actors that can bed a new girl almost every night if they want to, and some of them still seem depressed.  Heh.  The ones that truly love their craft & less drowning in drugs & other stuff (toxic pussy, not good fulfilling pussy) seem to be better off.

And now the one & only Dan Bilzerian will have to figure something out quick with his empire crumbling.  I wish him the best though.  I'm not the type to wish ill on a public figure that never wronged me personally.

This Colombian singer J Balvin is a global star & he is saying he is depressed:

https://pagesix.com/2020/11/04/j-balvin-...1599824271
It isn't banging a chick every night that makes rock stars depressed. Banging a new chick every night is a rush. I highly recommend. Don't worry, it won't make you depressed. What's depressing is if you have to do something mundane like go to the office the next day and put up with bs from some assholes when you would prefer to reminisce about your conquests.

I mean I tend to agree.  If anything it's probably the come down from the drugs that can be more depressing.  Going to a soul crushing office every day sucks worse than anything heheh.

What about starting a legacy though. You plan on siring (and maybe providing for) any of the kids that you may be making with your broads?
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#20
It's clear you've done your research as to the limitations of sex and happiness. It's hard for us to say sex or sowing oats isn't all it's cracked up to be while simultaneously having done it.

Roosh talked about how he took time to focus on himself and improve inwardly and it didn't necessarily translate to results with women. I'm a better person, better looking and have more money than I did when I was younger with much diminishing returns.

To put it way more bluntly, it wouldn't be surprising if Heath Ledger fucked a model in the week before he killed himself.
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